The Softest Star
by wildcat7898
Summary: Someone unexpected comes to Saavik's house while Spock and Uhura are visiting. This story follows "Utoto."
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Softest Star

Author: Wildcat

Series: TOS/TNG

Rating: T

Codes: S/U, Saavik

Summary: Someone unexpected comes to Saavik's house while Spock and Uhura are visiting.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Spock, Uhura, and Saavik. I have just borrowed them for a while and will not profit from this.

This story is part of my S/U Trekiverse. It takes place between Utoto and The Waking Man.

Thanks to Jungle Kitty, my terrific beta reader and friend.

This story won 1st place for "Spock/Uhura Pairing" in the 2004 ASC Awards.

Feedback is desired.

The Softest Star, Chapter One

"Happy birthday to you,

"Happy birthday to you,

"Happy birthday, dear Nyota-and-Cecilia,

"Happy birthday to you."

Uhura caught Spock's eye before she took a deep breath, leaned over Cecilia's shoulder, and blew out the candles. She pretended to blow hard, but fortunately the number of candles-six-represented Cecilia's age, rather than the much higher number she might have expected for herself. It didn't take much effort to blow them all out with one puff. Besides, Saavik might have burned down the house if she'd tried to light a hundred and one candles for Uhura's sake.

Cecilia was so overcome by the sheer joy and excitement of the moment that she almost wiggled out of Uhura's lap, but Uhura held her tight.

"We did it!" she said to the little girl.

"We did! We did! But Spock didn't sing."

"I assure you, I share the sentiment nevertheless," he said.

Cecilia gave him a scowl from under white-blonde brows, but quickly turned her attention to the colorful box her brother thrust under her nose.

"Open mine first!" he insisted.

Uhura eased Cecilia from her lap when it became clear that she might get jabbed by an errant elbow as Cecilia tore into her gift. She was glad to lean back and relax, anyway. They had arrived only this morning, and Cecilia had been so wound up over the impending party that they'd hardly had time to settle in before the festivities had begun.

When Cecilia moved closer to the bountiful stack of gifts, Uhura took a moment to admire her beautiful family. It seemed like just yesterday that Saavik had been an energetic little girl, and now she was the proud grandmother of two. It was funny how genetics worked sometimes. Even though Saavik's son Derek was dark and he was the product of dark parents, he had married a woman with fair skin and sleek blonde hair, and except for a wild mass of curly hair and the tendency to develop an unusually dark tan each summer, his little daughter looked just like her mother. His son Lucas, though, was the spitting image of Derek at that age, minus the pointed ears. Uhura had been secretly disappointed when that genetic trait didn't make it to the next generation, but maybe it would turn up again someday.

Spock moved a chair close to her and sat down. "Are you well?" he murmured.

"Oh, yes. I'm fine." She patted him on the knee. "Just worn out."

She could see the skeptical look in his eyes, but before he could pursue it, they were interrupted by Lucas.

"Nyota!" He plopped a package onto the table in front of her. "This one is for you!"

Sitting straighter, she said, "Why, so it is! And it's from you! I wonder what it could be. Is it a puppy?"

"No, it's not a puppy!" giggled Lucas.

Shaking the package in a mock attempt to figure out what it might be, she made a conscious effort to brush off her fatigue and enjoy the delighted squeals of the children. She had been looking forward to this trip for ages, and she was determined to savor every moment.

She barely had time to gush over the handmade holoframe before the next box was plunked down before her, and she had to begin the same guessing game for Cecilia.

...

Spock opened a window in the guest room and took a moment to admire the reflection of the moon on the water before he stepped back.

"Like this?" he asked.

"Yes, that's perfect." Seated on the side of the bed, Nyota took a deep breath. "Mmm... smell that ocean breeze. I don't know which I like better-the sound of the waves, or the scent of the ocean. As much as I love living on Vulcan, I do miss this."

He sat beside her. "I always thought that you came here to see the children."

"Oh, I'd visit the children even if they lived in an igloo at the North Pole. The fact that we get the ocean, too, is just icing on the cake."

"Speaking of cake, I could not help but notice that this afternoon's festivities seemed to overwhelm you at times."

She flapped her hand. "It was nothing. I just needed to catch my wind after our long trip."

He was quiet for so long that she finally darted a glance at him.

"Nyota, you can fool the others, but you cannot fool me," he said.

"All right, all right. I'll admit that I'm not quite recovered from that last operation, but I'm getting better."

He shook his head. "We should not have made this trip. I should never have allowed you to talk me into it."

"You worry too much."

"I am rightfully concerned."

"Spock, I'm fine. Really." She rested her hand on his knee. "And please don't say a word to Saavik or Michael. I mean it. Not a word! There's no reason to worry them. This is going to be a great weekend, and I don't want to put a damper on it."

Once again, he did not answer immediately, so she gave his knee a little squeeze. "Please. For me."

"Very well," he said. "I will not mention it-"

"Good!"

"-but only if you promise to take care of yourself. Do not overdo it."

"Okay. I promise." She leaned close and kissed him. "It's settled. Now let's get ready for bed."

He stood and walked toward the suitcase he'd placed on a low stand by the wall. "You may have the bathroom first."

"Why don't you go ahead? I'd like to just sit here for a minute."

His shoulders sagging, he turned back to her, but before he could speak, she said, "To listen to the ocean! That's all. I just want to listen to the ocean."

He studied her for a long moment, and he could tell that she was trying very hard to keep an innocent expression on her face. Finally, he nodded.

"I will be out soon," he said.

He took the items he needed from his suitcase and carried them into the bathroom, but as soon as he was out of her sight, he leaned heavily on the counter and looked into the mirror. A middle-aged man stared back at him, a man with long creases on his face and a touch of gray at his temples. Nyota also had lines on her face, but they were not nearly as deep as his own, and although her hair was a pure shade of white, she was still vital for her age. She had always taken care of herself. Indeed, of the two of them, he had been the first one stricken by heart problems, which now had begun to take a toll on her. However, while a single operation had restored his heart to perfect working order, she had undergone a series of arduous procedures. None of them had been completely successful, and her recovery from each had been progressively more difficult. However, the last operation had been more aggressive than any of the others. She was optimistic, so he knew that he must have faith, himself. It was not logical, but it was his only choice.

Straightening, he took a deep breath and turned on the water to prepare for bed.

...

"More coffee?"

Saavik stood by the table with the coffee pot poised over Nyota's empty cup. Nyota nodded, so she filled it to the top, then poured some for herself and sat down. The house was very quiet. Michael was in the next room with the children, attempting to assemble one of Cecilia's more elaborate new toys, and neither Derek nor his wife Claudia had made an appearance this morning, obviously taking advantage of the fact that there were other adults in the house who could watch the children. Saavik was impatient for Derek to get up, since she'd hardly seen him since he took that position on Mars, but she was also pleased that she had Spock and Nyota to herself at the moment.

Nyota blew air over the top of her coffee and sipped. "Mmmm. It's been forever since I had decent coffee. The Ferengi down at the Old Town says that his coffee comes from Brazil, but I don't believe-"

They were interrupted by quick footsteps. "Spock?" said Lucas from the doorway. "Granddaddy can't get Cecilia's Deltan Jungle Explorer thing to work. The holographs won't come on. Can you help?"

"Of course." Spock put down his tea and left the kitchen.

Saavik pointed to the container on the counter. "We'll go down to Jake's Coffee House before you leave and ask him to put ten pounds or so in a pressure carton. That should last you for a while."

"Good idea. Do you know if he has an Andorian blend? I started drinking that when we were on vacation last year, and it's really hard to find."

"Andorian coffee? I thought you wanted Terran coffee."

"I do! I add just a smidgen of the Andorian coffee because it's so strong you could power a shuttlecraft with it. Listen, when you reach my age, you need a good kick start every now and then."

"We will need to be sly, then, because Jake will refuse to sell his good Brazilian coffee if he learns what you intend to do with it."

They looked up when Spock returned, followed closely by Michael. "Any luck?" asked Nyota as Spock seated himself next to her.

Crossing his arms, he said, "There is a part missing."

Michael shook his head. "I'm sure it's all there. They didn't open the box until this morning, so how far could the pieces have gone? I looked around the room and under the sofa. There's nothing else."

"You couldn't figure it out," said Nyota to Spock.

"One of the parts is missing," he replied stubbornly.

"Why the hell would they make it so hard, anyway?" added Michael.

"Now, Michael, it's supposed to be educational." Nyota sat straighter. "Ooh, maybe I can do it. I like a challenge."

Spock extended his hand toward the door in a 'help yourself' gesture, and Nyota grinned smugly at his irritability. Saavik almost grinned back-Spock never had liked it when he didn't know the answer.

Nyota quickly drained the last of her coffee, but when she attempted to stand, she couldn't quite get out of her chair. Rocking forward, she grasped the edge of the table and started to pull herself up, but Spock was already on his feet. He gently grasped her elbow and helped her to stand, and she gave him a grateful smile before she walked away. A moment later, her voice came from the other room.

"Hey! No one told me that the instructions were written in Tholian hieroglyphs!"

Spock raised an eyebrow and met Saavik's eyes. "It is educational, Nyota. Remember?"

She grumbled something under her breath that Saavik couldn't make out, then said, "Cecilia, how about a game of checkers? No, no, not down there on the floor. I'll never get back up if I get down there. Let's put them on the coffee table."

Saavik felt the humor drain from her face at this reminder of the difficulty Nyota had experienced just moments ago getting out of her chair. She turned toward Spock, who immediately found something interesting in his cup of tea.

"How is she doing?" asked Saavik in a low voice.

"Quite well," he replied.

Leaning forward so they could hear him, Michael murmured, "Leonard McCoy called me at my office last week, wondering how her last procedure had gone. I told him that I talked to her doctor immediately after the operation, and he was satisfied. Has anything changed?"

Spock finally looked up from his tea. "The Jarvik-241 utilizes all of the latest advances in medical technology. It is performing admirably."

"She seems so tired," said Saavik. "I'm worried about her."

Spock straightened, and Saavik knew he was going to tell her that it was illogical to worry about something she could not control. After a moment, though, he nodded kindly and said, "I know, Saavikam, and so does she. Your concern is appreciated, but she would be the first to tell you that we have every reason to be optimistic."

Before Saavik could reply, a piping voice in the other room cried, "King me, Nyota! King me!"

Nyota laughed, and Saavik realized that it was the same laugh she had adored for nearly seventy years. It was just the same as it had always been. Spock was right. Change was as inevitable as rain on a cloudy day, but for today, the sun was shining, and they should all enjoy it.

She gestured toward the next room. "Perhaps we should watch the checkers match. Cecilia will not forgive us if we are not there to witness-"

The comm signal sounded. "I'll get it," said Michael.

Saavik and Spock walked into the next room, but Saavik had no sooner found a seat than Michael returned.

"It's for you," he said uncertainly.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Someone named T'Pir. She didn't tell me what it was about. Do you know anyone named T'Pir?"

"No. Did she ask for me by name?"

Michael nodded, so she frowned and went into the office. The woman on the screen appeared to be Vulcan, but Saavik thought that she might have been close to an emotional reaction when Saavik took a seat at the computer.

"I am Saavik," she said.

The woman did not reply at first, but finally she licked her lips and swallowed hard. "I am T'Pir."

"I know." Saavik was aware that she was forgetting Vulcan propriety, but she was too distracted by the woman's odd behavior to care.

"I am in Charleston. May I come to your home? It is very important that I meet you."

"May I ask why?"

The woman's intense gaze wavered suddenly. "It would be best if we discussed it in person. Please accept that my intentions are sincere." When Saavik did not reply immediately, she added, "I have come all the way from Vulcan to see you."

Saavik hesitated, but somehow she knew that this woman did not intend harm toward her or her family.

"Very well," she said. "I have plans with my family today, but I am taking another day off from work tomorrow. Perhaps you could come at 0900 hours."

"Any time that is suitable for you is acceptable to me."

"I live on Fripp Island. My address is 645 Osprey Lane."

"I will see you then."

The screen darkened. Saavik leaned back in her chair as she wondered what the woman could possibly want, but finally she rose and returned to the den.

Derek looked up from where he sat on the floor. The parts to the toy were spread out all around him, and the children were in the corner playing with the box.

"Good morning, Mom." He held up a small rod. "Does this look like the power source for a holographic emitter to you?"

"Good morning, Derek. No, it does not look like the power source for a holographic emitter to me." She addressed Spock and Nyota. "Have you ever heard of a woman named T'Pir? She appeared to be approximately your age, Spock, or perhaps slightly older. She said that she had come here from Vulcan."

"I have not," replied Spock. "Nyota, have you?"

"Nope," she said.

"What did she want?" asked Michael.

"She would not tell me. She is in Charleston, and she is coming here tomorrow morning. I assume that I will learn then."

Michael frowned. "She's coming here? Do you think that's wise? We don't know anything about her. Doesn't this seem the least bit strange to you?"

"It does," admitted Saavik, "but for some reason I am certain that we can trust her."

"Well, we'll know soon enough," said Michael.

They turned their attention toward the more immediate mystery of the Deltan Jungle Explorer set.

End chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

The Softest Star, Chapter two

The doorbell chimed at precisely 0900 the next morning, and when Saavik answered the door, she found T'Pir on her doorstep just as expected. Saavik had noted the woman's delicate features yesterday, and she had anticipated that T'Pir would be small. She and T'Pir were almost exactly the same height, however, and she was slightly unnerved at the way the other woman looked directly into her eyes.

"Greetings, T'Pir," said Saavik.

"Greetings, Saavik. Thank you for allowing me to come to your home."

"Please enter."

T'Pir stepped through the door and into the den, and seven pairs of eyes were immediately upon her. Saavik had observed that Derek and Claudia had arisen early today, and she did not think it was because they had not wanted to sleep late. Even Spock was obviously curious, although he was too polite to allow his gaze to linger.

As Saavik made introductions all around, she noticed that T'Pir seemed no less curious about everyone than they were about her. Interesting. Soon, though, Saavik had ushered her out to the deck that overlooked the beach, and they sat with a cup of tea before each of them.

T'Pir looked out toward the ocean. The wind ruffled her shoulder-length wavy hair, and although she absently tried to smooth it, Saavik knew from experience that the humidity would not be denied. She had seen so few Vulcans with curly hair that she had always felt conspicuous, and it was reassuring to meet a Vulcan with hair so like her own.

"Your home is pleasing," said T'Pir. "I am particularly taken with this view."

"Thank you. We are quite content here."

"I am certain that you are."

Continuing to gaze out toward the horizon, T'Pir lifted her cup and sipped. Saavik had never been good at withholding speech until the right words were chosen, but she recognized that this was what T'Pir was doing now.

Saavik reviewed the possible scenarios she had concocted for this mysterious meeting. Had T'Pir brought bad news? Saavik was acquainted with so few Vulcans that she could not believe T'Pir had something to say that Spock or Nyota would not already know. Perhaps T'Pir was looking for employment. Saavik always took care to remain uninvolved in personnel matters, but it was possible T'Pir wanted her to make a recommendation at work. Or perhaps it was all a mistake, and T'Pir was searching for someone else named Saavik. Saavik had always assumed that her name was unique, but it was possible.

T'Pir took another sip of her tea and placed the cup on the table with exaggerated care.

"I know much about you, Saavik."

Saavik raised both eyebrows. "Indeed?"

"Indeed." T'Pir looked down at her hands for a long moment. "I know that you are approximately seventy-seven standard years of age. I know that you are a citizen of both Vulcan and Earth, yet you were born on neither. As a matter of fact, there is no record of your existence prior to the year 2272, at which time you are listed as a nine-year-old passenger on a deep-space science ship that was crewed entirely by Vulcans. Do you wish to learn why I would know such things, or why I would even care?"

T'Pir's words had almost been swallowed by the rushing sound that had risen in Saavik's ears, but she was able to whisper, "Yes."

"I know these things, Saavik, because I have spent years investigating every detail of every flight that took place during that period of time. I did not discriminate between Vulcan flights, Terran, Starfleet, or any other. And I took special care to learn all that I could about every passenger on any of those ships, for I knew that eventually, possibly, I would see one that I would recognize. And eventually, I did."

"You still have not given me the reason for your interest," said Saavik unsteadily.

T'Pir moved toward the edge of her chair, which brought her very close to Saavik. "In 2262, I was an exobiologist on the Perceptor, a Vulcan science survey vessel operating close to the Romulan neutral zone. We were only three months into our mission when we were attacked by a Romulan warship, captured, and taken to a planet deep within the Romulan Empire. They called it Thieurrull, but we called it Hellguard."

T'Pir picked up her tea but put it down again without taking a drink. Saavik wanted to yell, to scream, to demand that the woman keep talking, but she was mute. Finally, T'Pir resumed.

"While we were there, our Romulan captors committed... crimes... against us. Some of my fellow scientists willed their hearts to stop beating so they could resist, but I did not. The result was that I bore a child. A daughter. I was allowed to care for her until she was one year old, but then she was taken from me, and I never saw her again."

T'Pir reached across the table and rested her fingers lightly on Saavik's arm.

"Saavik," she said softly. "You are that daughter. My Romulan captors were beasts, but I did everything they asked so that I could ensure your survival. And then they ripped you from my arms, and they told me to forget you."

Suddenly cold, Saavik pulled away from T'Pir and grasped her upper arms. Shaking her head, she opened her mouth, but the words wouldn't come.

"Please say something," begged T'Pir. "I have waited so long for this moment."

"There were other children. How do you know that I am your daughter?"

"You are the only female child of the correct age to refuse the medical procedure that would have identified your family."

"But some did not survive."

"Saavik, I look at you, and I know that I am right. Can you not see it, too? You are of my blood."

Saavik ran her fingers through her hair. She had a mother? Someone had actually cared whether she lived or died before she met Spock?

"Why has it taken so many years for you to find me?" she asked with sudden vehemence.

"I am sorry, Saavik. You must understand that what happened to us was a source of great shame."

"Shame? You know nothing of shame."

"There were hundreds of us. Many did not survive the original attacks and many more did not survive captivity, and in the end, when it came time for those remaining to die, I was spared. A Romulan soldier hid me away on his ship, and as I felt it lift away, I envied my comrades who had died torturous deaths on the planet, for surely their fates were kinder than my own. It took years for me to escape, but finally, I did. I was the only survivor. I was the only person who knew the truth about what had happened on that planet."

"I knew," whispered Saavik.

"Then surely you can understand why I would seek to protect my family from further shame. My bondmate was grateful to have me back, and we pretended that it had never happened. Except... I knew that it had. I thought of you every day, Saavik, and when my bondmate died, I decided that I had to find you. I could not live any longer without knowing you."

Saavik turned her head so she could hide her face from T'Pir, and she was grateful for the brisk wind that blew directly into her eyes. Although Spock was technically only her guardian, and Nyota only her guardian's wife, they were the only parents she had ever known or even wanted. And now this stranger had come into her life, and everything would change.

Her face still averted, she mumbled, "My earliest memories are of gazing up at the stars. I always found the brightest star, and I yearned for it. I knew that if I could only go to that place, I would find something better. Until I met Spock, however, there was nothing for me but death and desperation. And now you come here and tell me this. I do not know what to say."

"I understand. There was a reason you never sought me out, and although I can only guess at what it was, I know that it undoubtedly still exists. The choice is yours, Saavik, and you can have as much time as you need to decide what you want."

From the corner of her vision, Saavik saw T'Pir reach out tentatively, then change her mind and put her hand back in her lap.

"I do not expect you to call me Mother," T'Pir added quietly. "My only desire is that I might be allowed to play a role in your life, even if it is just a small one."

Saavik dropped her head and rubbed furiously at her eyes. "I think that it is time for you to go," she said.

"Yes. Of course. Can I reach the front of the house if I go around those bushes, there?"

Saavik nodded.

"You can contact me at the Brookfield Inn in Charleston, and after that, on Vulcan at K'len Laboratories in Stal'kar."

There was a long silence before Saavik heard the light percussion of T'Pir's heels on the deck and a very soft swish when she stepped into the grass.

"Wait!" called Saavik, lunging halfway out of her chair and extending an arm toward T'Pir.

T'Pir stopped and turned.

"What was my name?" asked Saavik.

T'Pir's whole body appeared to relax. "T'Fila."

"Hope," echoed Saavik.

T'Pir nodded and walked out of sight.

...

Uhura looked meaningfully over Cecilia's head and caught Spock's eye. Saavik had been outside with that woman for a long time, and although they both sat with their backs to the house, Uhura could tell by their body language that something big was up. Spock shrugged lightly and returned his attention to Cecilia's book when she caught him looking away. Derek and Claudia were on the floor playing a board game with Lucas. Michael, having given up even the pretense of activity, sat in a chair slightly removed from the rest of them. The children prattled on, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding outside, but Uhura knew that every one of the adults was as tense as she was.

"...and Max," read Cecilia methodically, "the king of all wild things was lonel... lon..."

"Lonely," said Spock.

"...was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all."

Saavik came through the door and stopped as if she didn't know what to do next. Darting a glance at Derek, Claudia stood and motioned for both of the children to come to her. "Kids," she said, "let's see if we can find any seashells."

"But I haven't finished my book!" wailed Cecilia.

"We already looked for seashells. There's nothing left," grumbled Lucas.

"There are always more seashells. C'mon."

Both kids got up and dragged their feet as they followed her out the back door, and Uhura didn't miss the grateful look Saavik gave her when they passed.

"What is it, Saavik?" asked Michael.

She fell into the closest chair.

"What is it?" he asked more insistently.

Saavik hung her head and covered her eyes, and then looked around the room at each of them. "She is my mother," she finally said.

Her words dropped into the silence like a bombshell, and Uhura knew that her mouth was hanging open. When she finally recovered enough to react, she looked quickly at Spock to see that he was similarly stunned.

Michael moved his chair close enough to take Saavik's hand. "Your mother? Really?"

"She is my mother. She gave birth to me."

"Wow. That's... incredible."

"It is too much to comprehend."

"I'm sure it is. But at least you know now, right? Haven't you always wondered?"

Saavik shook her head so vehemently that her hair fell across her face. "No! I haven't! Our common past was so horrible. How could I ever wish to share that with another?"

From his seat on the floor, Derek said, "Mom, your past is your past. Sharing it with someone isn't going to make it more real than it already is."

Pain flitted across Saavik's face, and Uhura knew that sharing it with someone made it very much more real. It couldn't help but become more real. She was suddenly returned to an era when she could reassure Saavik with nothing more than a simple hug. Her arms literally ached with the memory of enfolding a small girl, and she wished that she could return to that time and make it all better. This couldn't be fixed so easily, though, and somewhere beneath the hollowness in her chest a surprising anger began to boil.

"How could that woman show up after all these years and expect you to welcome her?" she asked.

"Nyota," said Spock, "some things cannot be erased by the passage of time. The ties of family are strong-"

"Family? That woman isn't her family. We're her family."

Uhura noticed that Michael and Derek appeared uncomfortable at the bluntness of her words, but she didn't care. It needed to be said.

"And she's crazy if she thinks otherwise," she added.

Michael frowned at her and turned toward Saavik. "What did she expect from you?"

"She wished only to make contact at this time, and she is allowing me to make up my mind about what might happen next. Oh, Michael, I am so confused."

Uhura started to say more, but Spock grasped her hand and spoke before she could. "Saavikam, you are a wise individual. I have every confidence that you will make the decision that is right for you. Nyota, perhaps we can join the children on the beach now."

"Uh, I think I'll go, too," said Derek.

Spock stood and tugged on her hand, and finally Uhura followed him out to the beach. Derek immediately ran down to the water, no doubt to tell Claudia about what was going on, but Uhura held Spock back so they could talk privately.

"I can't believe that woman would do this to Saavik," she said.

"I do not find her wishes regarding Saavik nearly so shocking as the mere fact of her existence. I was convinced that there were no adult survivors. Perhaps someday she will tell us her story."

She put her hands on her hips. "You talk like this isn't anything more than a research project!"

"Do not be unreasonable, Nyota. Of course this is not a research project. Coming here took a great deal of courage, and I am certain T'Pir's backstory is no less admirable."

"So now you admire her?"

"Has she given us any reason to do otherwise?"

"She abandoned Saavik! Oh, I know that the original separation wasn't abandonment, but what happened after that sure was. She could have found Saavik years ago if she'd wanted."

He shook his head slowly. "Of all people, I would have expected you to show compassion for this woman. We do not know how many atrocities were committed against her, but there can surely be nothing worse than losing contact with her daughter."

She scowled at him a moment longer, but finally dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I swear, at first I could think only of the pain Saavik must be experiencing, but after that I just got pissed off. I know I'm being unreasonable."

"You are being protective, and you are right to feel that way. However, Saavik must make this decision for herself."

She nodded, and he gave her shoulder a brief squeeze before they started down the beach toward the others.

...

Spock woke at exactly 0200 hours and immediately noticed that Nyota was snoring. Of course, she would claim that she was merely breathing heavily, but he had no doubt that her heavy breathing was what had roused him. He placed a hand underneath her shoulder and gently urged her to roll onto her side, and then raised himself onto his elbow to ensure that he had not awakened her. She licked her lips and inhaled loudly, but he stayed very still, and soon her breathing returned to a steady rhythm.

He stared at her back, replaying their conversation on the beach this morning. He had told her that she must be compassionate, that she must try to view things from T'Pir's perspective, but in all honesty, he could not help but agree with some of what she had said. Yes, T'Pir was a brave woman who had faced extreme hardship, and yes, he could understand why she would wish to meet Saavik, but would a mother's tenderness for her lost child not extend to protecting her child from additional pain? Or perhaps she would think that explaining what had happened all those years ago would serve to ease her child's pain, rather than add to it. Whichever was more accurate, the truth of the matter was that the deed was done, and they must all now learn to accept it.

He sighed heavily and turned onto his other side, but just before he closed his eyes, he detected a very faint glow from the direction of the doorway. He slid to the edge of the bed, put on his slippers, and left the room.

The light led him to the kitchen, where he found Saavik sitting by herself at the table. She was staring at a holo, but she turned it off as soon as she realized he was there. He had already recognized it, however, and when he sat down next to her, he reached over and turned it back on. The person who stared back at him was grubby, unkempt, defiant, and only an instant away from reacting unfavorably to the photographer. Of course, he remembered very well what had happened when the photographer tried for a second shot, but he thought it likely that he would correctly interpret the body language even if he had not been there.

"I have always regretted that I did not request another identification holo once you were bathed and presentable," he said.

A small smile lifted the corner of her mouth. "Request? You had to demand that I pose for this one."

"'Blackmail' is a more suitable term."

"Would you have really withheld that apple if I had refused to cooperate?"

"No. However, I was quite serious when I told you that you would not get it if you attempted to harm the photographer."

She shook her head. "It seems so long ago."

"It was, Saavikam. You have come very far since then."

"I suppose you are going to tell me that I no longer have anything to fear from the past."

"Perhaps, then, I do not need to tell you that which you already know."

Taking a heavy breath, she put her elbow on the table and rested her head on her fist. "I do not think that what I am feeling right now is fear. Actually, I am not certain that I feel anything. I would like to feel excited or happy, or perhaps relieved, but if anything, I feel alone. I know it is perverse, since if anything I am less alone today than I was yesterday, but it is true."

"This takes you back to a time when you _were _alone. You were vulnerable then despite your strenuous efforts to appear otherwise. Could it be that you feel vulnerable now?"

She was quiet for a moment before looking at him sideways. "It could be."

He stood. "The thing you have always feared more than even fear itself is vulnerability. Sometimes, though, vulnerability does not imply weakness, but openness." She gave him a wry look, so he added, "I cannot claim to be an expert on emotional openness, but I have heard that it can be advantageous at times. Good night, Saavikam."

"Good night."

He started out the door, but turned back at the last moment.

"Incidentally, I do not truly regret that this is the one holo I have from that time. It would not be you if that person were anything other than bold, scruffy, and slightly obstinate."

"Good _night_, Spock," she said with humor in her tone.

"I will speak with you in the morning."

He crept up the stairs and into his room, and eased into bed. Nyota was on her back and snoring again, but he decided that he did not mind. He closed his eyes and composed himself for sleep.

End chapter two


	3. Chapter 3

The Softest Star, Chapter three

Two mornings later, Uhura walked down the steps to find that the house was very empty and quiet. Derek and Claudia had left late yesterday to spend a couple of days with Claudia's mother before returning to Mars, and Michael was probably already at the clinic seeing patients. That left just her, Spock, and Saavik, and she knew that Spock was in Saavik's office checking on the progress of his students. She hoped they appreciated how lucky they were to have him. About ten years ago, he had taken leave from the Vulcan Science Academy to join his father on a diplomatic mission. He and Sarek would never completely overcome the distance Perrin had put between them, but Uhura had been thrilled to witness the gradual rebuilding of their relationship. In addition, their mission had been such a success that the Vulcan diplomatic corps had managed to lure Spock away from the VSA entirely, and he had just begun a successful and fulfilling new career when her health had begun to fail.

He had turned away from it without a second thought.

She felt guilty sometimes when she thought about what he had given up for her, but when he decided to return to the VSA, she hadn't tried to talk him out of it.

She paused at the foot of the steps to peer down the back hallway toward the office, but she couldn't see more than his shadow in the doorway. She decided to leave him alone, and she had just sat down in the kitchen with a cup of coffee when Saavik came into the room.

"Look at you!" said Uhura. "You're all dressed up. Did you decide that you're going in to work today, after all?"

"Actually, I am going to Charleston."

Uhura was silent while Saavik retrieved a cup from the cupboard, but finally she said, "Are you going to see T'Pir?"

"Yes. We are having breakfast at her hotel."

Once again, Uhura let the silence stretch between them until Saavik had poured a cup of coffee and joined her at the table.

"I thought that you'd decided not to pursue this," she said.

"I do not know why you thought that, Nyota."

"Well, after she was here, you moped around the rest of the day, and then you didn't say anything about it yesterday. I just assumed that you'd put it out of your mind."

Saavik raised an eyebrow. "Having one's mother reappear in one's life is hardly something that can be easily dismissed from one's mind."

"Sure, I know that," she said, unable to avoid sounding a little testy. "I just want you to do what's right for you, and I'm not certain that stirring up old ghosts is a good idea."

"I am not certain either, but can you suggest a better way of finding out?"

"You can think about it a while longer before you make any rash decisions. Once you've opened up dialogue, what's done is done. There's no going back. Besides, are you sure she's even your mother? Maybe you ought to be tested before you get too deep into this."

"You saw her, Nyota. Did you not notice the resemblance between us?"

"Maybe," she said grudgingly.

"I will be cautious. I promise."

"I guess it won't hurt to get to know her a little better." Uhura tapped on the table for emphasis. "Just don't feel like you're obligated to go any further with this if you feel like it's not working."

"Very well."

After that, they drank their coffee in silence. Uhura noticed that Saavik got up and left before she'd even finished, standing at the sink while she drained the last drop, and she hurried out the door like she was going to be late.

Well.

Uhura picked up her coffee and headed toward the back door. She'd sit on the deck for a while and watch the ocean, and maybe Spock would want to go for a walk soon.

...

Saavik stopped just before she reached the doorway to the dining room and curled her hands into fists. Did she really want to do this? She had surprised herself this morning with how confident she had sounded, because in reality nothing could have been further from the truth.

Why had T'Pir finally decided to contact her?

Could it be that she had experienced guilt for so many years that she wanted to exorcise her old demons, so to speak? If this was an attempt to assuage guilt, Saavik would have to be careful. If she, Saavik, were the one to terminate contact, the guilt would effectively be transferred to her own shoulders. As a child, she had occasionally fretted that it was her fault her mother had gone away, and Spock had always firmly squashed that notion. It would be ironic if, after all these years, she actually validated her old concerns.

What if T'Pir wanted to recount episodes from Saavik's early childhood? Saavik felt quite confident that the hidden memories had all come back to her. Spock had helped her through the pain of those memories. It was difficult to believe that there might be something even more terrible than what she had remembered, but she knew very well that the mind tended to protect itself from trauma. T'Pir might tell her something she did not want to know. She might even want to discuss the origins of Saavik's birth, and Saavik knew that she would walk away forever before she would allow a face to be given to the monster who had sired her.

Or perhaps T'Pir truly was searching for something she had lost many years ago. Maybe she was a benevolent, gentle person who merely wished to confirm that the daughter she had lost as an infant had grown into fulfilled adulthood.

She took a deep breath, raised her chin, unclenched her fingers, and strode through the door. She saw T'Pir immediately, seated away from the other diners by a large window. There was no mistaking the pleasure on T'Pir's face when she glimpsed Saavik, and Saavik suddenly knew that no matter what happened today, she had done the right thing by coming.

...

"... and I was assigned to the Curie. I regretted having to leave Vulcan, yet I must confess that I was relieved, too."

"I understand why you might have experienced stress while there, feeling that you had to keep your heritage a secret in your life as a Vulcan among Vulcans," replied T'Pir. "However, you have achieved a remarkable balance between expressing your nature as it was meant to be while respecting Vulcan societal mores."

"You are kind to say that, but sometimes even the slightest provocation can make me angry. I have worked hard in my life to control my anger. It is a constant effort, and I am not always successful. Spock maintains that if a negative emotion cannot be controlled, it can at least be channeled, but sometimes it seems as if nothing can be done but to indulge myself. I invariably regret it afterward, but inwardly I know that it is also satisfying."

T'Pir nodded slowly and gazed out the window. "I have something to confess, as well. When I came to your home, I behaved as if I knew nothing of Spock before you introduced him to me, but the truth is that I already knew a great deal about him. His name was on the manifest of the ship upon which I first found record of you, and I uncovered documents assigning him as your guardian. I even saw that he had taken a year-long sabbatical from Starfleet, which presumably had something to do with you. I also learned that he is half-human. If you were to be raised by someone other than..." She faltered, then hurriedly said, "Was your childhood good after Hellguard? Did he understand your challenges?"

"My life with him was very good. Although I frequently taxed his patience and often frankly baffled him, he was always very wise and fair with me. You referred to his half-human heritage, though, and I think that you misunderstand. Anger has never been a problem for him like it is for me. I would not want you to think that of him."

"I am not judging him, Saavik. Indeed, if anyone is to be judged..."

She faltered again, and Saavik was glad that she did not finish the sentence, since it seemed to be coming perilously close to a request for forgiveness that Saavik was not prepared to offer.

"You told me two days ago that you are an exobiologist," said Saavik in an attempt to change the subject. "I have always had a personal interest in exobiology. Please tell me about it."

"I specialize in ribonucleic evolution now, but at one time my studies were more general. My task on the Perceptor was to identify environments from which life might eventually grow, with the intent that they would be monitored for the possibility of spontaneous generation."

"Fascinating. One of my duties while assigned to a deep-space exploration vessel in Starfleet was to identify prebiotic environments."

"That is indeed fascinating. Did you find any of particular note?"

"Several. The fourth planet orbiting Marius A in particular generated considerable excitement among the scientific community."

"I am familiar with it. That was a notable find."

"Are you still in the field?"

"I am not. When I finally returned to Vulcan, I was reluctant to leave again, so I joined the research team at K'Len Laboratories. It is fulfilling work. I understand that you are also in research."

"I am. When Michael and I decided to start a family, it was only logical that I leave Starfleet and seek employment on Earth. I was fortunate to find a position close to home with the Columbia Quantum Institute."

"I would argue that they were the more fortunate of the parties involved. It is a prestigious organization, and you are quite prominent among your fellow physicists."

"You have indeed been thorough in your investigation."

"It is my hope that you will understand my motives. At first, I thought that all I wanted was to learn about you, but the more I learned, the more I realized that knowledge was no substitute for contact. I apologize if you are offended."

"I am not offended. I admit, however, that I find it awkward to know so little about you while you know so much about me."

T'Pir held out both hands. "It would please me to rectify that. Ask me anything, and I will answer."

Saavik hesitated. The question she really wanted to ask-_Do I have any siblings?_-was also something she wanted to avoid, and avoiding it seemed easier at the moment than discussing it. She took a deep breath and asked it anyway.

"Do you have other children?"

T'Pir nodded calmly, and Saavik decided that she must have been expecting the question. "Yes. I have two sons and a daughter. Sepat and Tenek are both older than you. They are bonded and each has two children. T'Lian is considerably younger. She is unbonded, although it is my belief that this will soon change." The hint of humor in her voice was unmistakable.

Saavik leaned forward eagerly. "Tell me more about them. I want to know whether your grandchildren are boys or girls and how old they are. I want to know where your sons live and what they do, and I want to hear all about T'Lian's suitor. Tell me everything."

"I will tell you everything, Saavik. Everything you wish to know."

Saavik rested her forearms on the table as T'Pir launched into the description of her family. Her family... and Saavik's family, too.

...

Standing in the hotel lobby, Saavik said, "I enjoyed our time together very much."

"As did I, Saavik. Could we meet again tomorrow? We still have much to discuss."

"I would like that, but I have plans with Spock and Nyota tomorrow. However, they are planning to visit Nyota's nephew the next day. Could we meet then?"

"That would be good. Please contact me in the morning, and we will make our plans for the day."

Saavik nodded her agreement and walked out the door. The sky was a beautiful, clear blue, and as she headed toward her flitter, she marveled over this sensation of unity, a wholeness she did not think she had ever felt her entire life. Looking at T'Pir's face had been like looking into a mirror, not so much for the physical resemblance as for the reflection of something she could not even attempt to define at this moment.

And it was wonderful. She did not want to ever let this feeling go.

...

Seated at the table on the deck, Spock looked up from his newspadd when he heard a flitter engine. Nyota heard the flitter several seconds later, and he noticed that she compressed her lips disapprovingly before closing her book.

Saavik exited the flitter and walked in their direction.

"Nyota, you were out here when I left," she said. "Have you been outside the entire time?"

"Pretty much," replied Nyota. "Spock and I went for a walk along the beach, and after that I brought my book out. I want to soak up as much of this ocean air as I can."

"How was your visit?" asked Spock.

Saavik sat down with them. "It was incredible. She is such an interesting person! She has three children, I mean three other children besides me, and they have children of their own. We learned that we have quite a bit in common. For example, her chosen field is scientific research. I find it fascinating that she and I have such things in common."

"Lots of Vulcans are good at scientific research," said Nyota. "That's not surprising."

"Her original specialty was identifying prebiotic conditions, which was one of my early interests in Starfleet."

"You were very good at it," added Spock. "I would even go so far as to say that you were naturally predisposed to that field of study, given your fascination as a child with mud puddles, swamps, and other primordial environments."

"I also learned about my ancestors. She was able to describe the generations all the way back to the origins of the house. It is a long and well-respected lineage, tracing back to the philosopher Skal and beyond."

"That is indeed impressive."

"And she understands me. I was able to discuss things with her that I have never divulged so easily before. It is an incredible feeling-she is a full Vulcan, and she accepts me for who I am. I never thought it would be possible."

"I guess she's returning to Vulcan pretty soon," said Nyota hopefully.

"Actually, she and I are going to meet again while you are visiting your nephew in two days, Nyota."

"I thought you were going to work that day."

"I will ask for the day off. I have quite a bit of vacation time available." Saavik motioned toward her flitter. "I saw that there was an open-air market in Beaufort when I passed. Would you like to go?"

Nyota shook her head wearily. "Actually, I'd like to just stay here if you don't mind. All this sunshine has made me lazy."

"That is fine with me." Saavik stood and started toward the back door. "Allow me to change my clothing, and I will join you out here."

"Okay," said Nyota.

Saavik went inside. Nyota stared at the door for a few moments before reopening her book. Spock could tell that she was not actually reading it.

He picked up his padd and pretended to read, too.

End chapter three


	4. Chapter 4

The Softest Star, Chapter four

Her hands clasped behind her back, Saavik walked slowly alongside T'Pir and kicked up a small amount of spray when the ocean washed over her feet. She was amused to notice that T'Pir did the same.

"Forgive me for pointing it out," Saavik said, "but you are very relaxed about walking in the water. Spock has always had an aversion to getting wet, which I understand is typical for a Vulcan."

"Since my first encounter with the ocean at the age of ten, I have been fascinated by the water. I would have been very content to live in a setting much like yours, but my bondmate did not wish to leave Vulcan. Our compromise was to take an annual trip to Earth, during which we would split our time between the beach and other destinations that were more pleasing to him."

"Fascinating. I, also, became enamored of the beach when I made my first trip to Earth as a child. Spock and I went to Hawaii for the wedding of a friend. After that, I was determined to spend as much time as possible at the beach."

"I have been to Hawaii. I understand why you would have become so fond of oceanside locales."

Saavik nodded. "Sometimes I believe that I was destined to marry Michael and live in his family's home on the beach. That is, if one were to ascribe to destiny, which is a fanciful notion at best."

"Perhaps it is not so fanciful."

Saavik looked sharply at the woman walking next to her. "I am surprised to hear you say that."

T'Pir took a deep breath. "Saavik, I have pondered the concept of destiny a great deal over the years, and I have concluded that it is the easiest-and perhaps the only-way to view certain events. I would never have chosen to be abducted, assaulted, and left with what I thought was no hope of ever regaining my prior life."

"Of course you would not have chosen that."

"I must confess that at first I was quite bitter. Random chance had operated strongly against me, and I questioned why such a thing would happen to me. When you were born, I began to understand that sometimes good may come from even the worst circumstances, but it was not until many years after I had returned to Vulcan and I still could not put the incident to rest that I began to search for the deeper meaning. I did not discover it until I discovered you: Destiny. It was destiny that took me from the weakness of despair to the strength of conviction that the universe was a better place for my experience, because it had produced you."

Saavik's steps trailed to a halt as she searched for the words that would express how moved she was by this. Finally, she said softly, "I cursed Hellguard, and I cursed the Romulans who had put me there. I always thought that they had molded me into their image, a feral being who would not hesitate to commit the worst act of brutality if it meant she would survive. I hated them. I still do, and I always will, and I am ashamed that such hatred would burn forever in my heart."

"But it was the hatred that gave you strength. Your situation was horrible, and no child should ever be subjected to what happened to you, but there was a reason you survived and others did not. It was your inner strength and your determination, and if it was hatred that fueled the fire within you, you should proudly accept it as part of who you are."

"You are Vulcan. How can you say that?"

A softness stole across T'Pir's face. "Because I have come to the conclusion that I, also, found strength in hatred. The other Vulcans accepted their fates, but I fought to survive. I drew on all the resources that were available to me, and if that included such negative emotions as hatred, so be it."

"And you have accepted that?"

"I have, but the oddest thing happened when I did: I found that I was no longer consumed by it. Perhaps with time, you will be able to embrace that facet of your soul, and it will lose its control on you."

"That is contradictory."

"It seems that it would be, but it is true."

Nodding, Saavik resumed her leisurely walk down the beach. T'Pir fell into step beside her, and they continued in easy silence.

...

"Spock, could you please pass the potatoes? Thanks."

Uhura put a spoonful of mashed potatoes on her plate and reached for the salt. She had made these herself, but she had been mindful of the fact that no one else liked as much salt as she did. As a result, they were horribly bland. Even Spock was reaching for the seasonings.

Michael, seated on her right, said, "So, Spock, what are you and Nyota going to do tomorrow?"

"We are going shopping," replied Spock stoically.

"I swear," said Uhura, "you'd think that I was asking him to get a tooth pulled! I just need to run to one, maybe two shops." She turned to Saavik. "I promised I'd bring something back for my friend Sue. You remember Sue, don't you? She works in the Terran embassy? She doesn't get back to Earth very often, so I promised I'd bring her something from home."

"I remember Sue. Please give her my regards."

"I will. Anyway, I thought I'd get something hand-made, or maybe some food. Do either of you have any suggestions?"

"Perhaps you could take her some fruit," said Saavik. "Yesterday, T'Pir and I had some pink grapefruit that was especially good."

Uhura shook her head. "That would be too hard to transport."

"I was going to suggest some orange blossom honey," said Michael, "but I guess that's out, too."

"How about a quilt?" asked Saavik.

"Now you're thinking. That would be a great gift."

"A store in Charleston had some beautiful quilts in the window. It was next door to the restaurant where I had lunch on Monday with-"

"I know, I know. With T'Pir," grumbled Nyota.

"We also promised Dr. McCoy that we would visit," said Spock. "I thought that we could go early and purchase Sue's gift on the way home."

Uhura frowned at him, making it clear that she knew he'd changed the subject, but she added, "We'll keep the visit quick, since we only have two more days here."

"Actually," said Saavik, "that works out quite well for me. T'Pir had suggested that we attend a morning recital, but I told her no since you will be leaving so soon. I will let her know that I can do it after all."

"Why don't you go with us?" asked Uhura.

"Perhaps some other time."

"Dr. McCoy would love to see you."

"I attended a medical conference with Michael two months ago, and we saw him there. We had a nice visit then."

"C'mon. Go with us," Uhura insisted.

"Nyota," said Spock. "Saavik has other plans."

"It was just a suggestion." Uhura pushed her potatoes around on her plate. "So, Saavik, when are you and T'Pir going to get tested to see if she's really your mother?"

"There is no need for that."

"Don't you want to be sure? I would."

"Actually," said Michael, "I think that Nyota has a point. It would be good to make it official. Why don't the two of you come down to my office tomorrow? It won't take ten minutes for me to run the tests."

"Tomorrow is not a good day. The recital is at 0900 hours, and after that T'Pir is planning to work. Her company has an office in Boston, and she wishes to make up for some of the time she has missed."

"I'll do it before office hours. That will still give you plenty of time to make it to the recital."

"Saavikam, I agree with Nyota and Michael," said Spock. "This is something you must do."

Saavik looked up at the ceiling before exhaling loudly. "Very well! I will make the arrangements. We will do it then."

Uhura nodded and took a bite of potatoes. If possible, they tasted even worse now than they had before. Oh, well. She hadn't been very hungry, anyway.

...

"Computer, off."

Spock pushed his chair away from Saavik's desk and left her office. Normally he would have spent the evening sitting outside with the others, listening to the subsonic hum of the mosquito repeller and the ever-present rumble of the ocean, and trying his best to stay warm as the night breeze grew ever cooler. Tonight, though, Saavik and Michael had retired early, and Nyota had said that she also was too tired to sit outside. So, he had decided to take care of some correspondence. He had not lasted long at his task, however. He had insisted that Saavik and T'Pir be tested, but he could not ignore the possibility that he should have stayed out of the debate and allowed Saavik to reach her own conclusion.

As he climbed the steps, he deduced from the small sliver of light under the door that Nyota was still awake. He found her sitting on the bed, holding one of the holographs that Saavik kept on the high dresser against the wall.

She looked up and smiled as he sat beside her. "I've always loved this holo."

"Ah, yes. Our wedding day." He studied the image of Nyota, Saavik, and himself, all standing shoulder to shoulder in dress uniform on the Enterprise. "It is a good likeness."

"Saavik was so excited. Look, she's glowing."

"So are you. You were beautiful that day. As always."

She leaned against his shoulder. "And you were handsome. As always."

"It was a good day."

"Yes, it was." She took a heavy breath. "It seems so long ago."

"To be precise, it was fifty-one years, two months, and ten days ago."

"We've had a wonderful life, haven't we?"

"The best."

She held his eyes for a long moment, then put the holo on the nightstand.

"I've been sitting up here thinking about Saavik," she said.

"I have been thinking about her, too. I fear that I might have been wrong to insist that she and T'Pir take the test. Some things are best left unknown, and this might be one of them."

She smiled gently. "I can't believe I'm hearing you say that."

"Many years ago, I would not have said it. Now I know it to be true."

"Maybe you're right. I couldn't understand why she resisted taking that test, but I think I figured it out. She's not afraid that T'Pir is her mother. She's afraid that she isn't." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "You've probably known that all along."

"I have."

"I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner. I suppose I was so intent on protecting her that it didn't occur to me that something else might be going on."

"Are you certain that it was really Saavik you were protecting?"

Her eyes troubled, she did not reply at first. Finally, she murmured, "You're right, of course. I truly was trying to protect her, but I was trying to protect myself, too. I can't believe I was that selfish."

"It will not be your fault if things do not work out as she hopes."

"Well, it won't be for lack of wishing on my part. Now I genuinely hope that they will. Really, even if I'm a little threatened or jealous or whatever, I'll be so sorry if she's disappointed."

"I know. You have always had Saavik's best interests at heart. That is what makes you the best mother she could possibly have had."

Looking up at him, she finally smiled and nodded.

"Yes," she said. "I guess so."

He brushed his fingers along the side of her face. "It is time for us to go to bed."

End chapter four


	5. Chapter 5

The Softest Star, Chapter five

Two candlesticks in her left hand and a tray under her arm, Saavik put a third candlestick under her chin and lifted the old copper kettle from the side of the hearth. These pieces had been in Michael's family for generations, and she had not been diligent about taking proper care of them.

She carried them into the kitchen and deposited everything on the counter. She was rummaging in the cabinet under the sink when she heard footsteps behind her.

"What are you up to?" asked Nyota.

Finding the container of polish for which she'd been looking, she put it on the counter and opened a drawer in search of a rag.

"I am going to polish Lawrence's old brass and copper things."

"Why don't you just find a restorer who will put them in a deoxidization field? That looks like a lot of work."

Saavik took a rag back to the counter and started reading the instructions on the bottle.

"Ronnie gave this substance to me, and she made me promise to use it. She said that old things need to be treated with 'respect and tender loving care.' Those were her very words."

"If you're talking about me, I agree, but if you're talking about polishing this stuff by hand, it's an entirely different matter." Nyota shook her head. "Michael's stepmother always was a little eccentric."

"She was a gifted artist. She had an eye for items of beauty."

"I'll give you that. I love the sculpture she made for my birthday all those years ago. I still keep it on top of the piano."

They were quiet while Saavik poured polish onto the rag and started rubbing one of the candlesticks. The effect was immediate, and she was pleased to rediscover the soft, shiny patina of the brass underneath the tarnish.

Nyota dragged a stool closer and sat. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Fine. And you?"

"Not too well. You know, I've been thinking. Maybe you don't need to take that test today."

Saavik intensified her efforts on a particularly stubborn spot. "I know you would prefer that I visit Dr. McCoy with you, but my plans are made. I am spending the morning with T'Pir."

"That's not what I mean. You-"

"Please, Nyota. I do not wish to rehash this." Saavik finally looked up from her task. "It is no secret to me that you resent T'Pir's sudden appearance in my life."

"Well," she stammered, "I just don't know what to think about it."

"You have doubts, and today I am going to put your doubts to rest. The matter will be closed."

Nyota did not reply, so Saavik assumed that this indicated assent. She added some more liquid to the cloth and picked up the next candlestick, and finally Nyota got up and left the room.

...

Standing in front of the Beaufort Medical Arts building, Saavik watched a steady stream of flitters pass back and forth overhead, people on their way to work, parents taking children to school, medical workers arriving at the hospital next door to begin their shifts. All sorts of flitters except the one that she expected.

T'Pir had called to say that she was leaving the hotel, so Saavik had come ahead. She knew that she had arrived early, but it had been too difficult simply waiting at home.

She paced over to a rectangular area that was filled with an assortment of plants. Two bees circled lazily around a large orange flower, but only one of them decided to land. She watched it for a few moments before walking back toward the entrance and looking up at the sky again. T'Pir's rental flitter was rather nondescript and Saavik was not sure she would recognize it, but she would certainly notice if one descended toward the clinic's parking area.

She headed toward a nearby bench but did not sit. It was hard to comprehend that this day had finally come. From the time she was nine years old, she had refused the procedure that would identify her Vulcan family. She had thought for many years that it was from pride-after all, why would she wish to claim them if they did not come to claim her?-but now she knew that it was more complicated than that. She'd had Spock, who had chosen her of his own will. Why would she impose upon someone whose only connection to her was biological? A mere biological connection might not be enough to cause a family to want her. But then T'Pir had appeared, and it had become clear that the ties forged by biology could not be dismissed so easily.

Saavik's attention was suddenly caught by a silver flitter landing in the clinic's mostly empty parking area. It was T'Pir.

Saavik rushed forward to meet her, and they looked at each other for a long moment before starting toward the building. Everything that could have been said about this moment had already been said, and there was nothing left to do but take the test.

...

Glancing at the flitter's chrono for the sixth time since they had left Saavik's house, Nyota said, "I guess that they're probably at Michael's office by now. We'll all know soon whether T'Pir is really Saavik's mother or not."

Spock looked over at her but did not reply. She gazed out the window at the passing scenery, then looked at the chrono again.

"How long did Michael say the test would take?" she asked.

"Approximately five minutes."

"At least it'll be quick." Another moment of silence passed, and she said, "I wish I'd told Saavik to call us with the results. Regardless of which way it turns out, this is going to have a big impact on her. I can't predict how she's going to react. Maybe we should have gone with her."

"Saavik's reaction aside, how will _you_ react if it is not the outcome you wish to hear?"

"I want only the best for Saavik. If she's happy, I'll be happy."

He raised an eyebrow without comment.

"I mean it! I'll be happy, whether I'm really happy or not."

"Saavik will see through that."

Nyota sighed. "I'll just have to make sure that she doesn't. Damn. I do like T'Pir, really I do, but I don't like how she waltzed in here and complicated Saavik's life."

"Indeed. Complications in one's life can be quite inconvenient, can they not?"

She scowled at him. "You'd better watch out, or I'm going to complicate your life."

Amused at her tart tone despite the gravity of the discussion, he said, "I certainly do not want that."

"Oh, you. Seriously, my primary concern is protecting Saavik. This can is open, and the worms aren't going to go back in, so it won't do me any good to wish that things were still like they were."

"I cannot comment on the worms, but I do sympathize with your opinion of the matter. Saavik's life _has_ become more complicated, and I cannot predict how she will react to what she learns today. We must be careful to take our cue from her. If she is pleased, we must support her in that. If she is displeased, we must support her in that, as well."

"I know. I'll be careful." She grimaced and put her hand under her left breast.

He studied her. "Are you unwell?"

"This business with Saavik has given me indigestion."

"We do not need to visit Dr. McCoy if you do not feel up to it."

"Are you kidding? He'd never forgive us if we canceled."

He spotted McCoy's house ahead, so he banked the flitter and descended, and soon they were on the ground. He glanced over at Nyota to see that she had a thin sheen of perspiration on her upper lip.

"Nyota, what is it?"

Panic in her eyes, she said, "Spock, I really don't feel well. I think I'm going to be sick."

"Stay there. I will get Dr. McCoy."

He climbed out and jogged around the back of the flitter, but before he could start toward McCoy's front door, he saw her suddenly slump and fall over. He slapped his hand on the passenger side control panel and called out, "Dr. McCoy! Doctor! Dr. McCoy!"

The flitter door slid open, and he tried to ease her out of the seat. Her head flopped against his chin, interfering with his ability to see McCoy's front door, but soon he heard hurried footsteps start down the front walk.

"What happened, Spock?" shouted McCoy as he approached.

"She complained of chest pains and collapsed. I fear that it is her heart."

"Bring her inside."

Spock lifted her from the flitter and followed McCoy down the front walk toward the door. As soon as they were inside, McCoy directed him toward the sofa.

"Put her down there," he said. "I'll get my medikit."

Spock gently placed her on the sofa and crouched beside her. Her breathing was so shallow that he could hardly hear it over the sound of the blood rushing through his ears. He gripped her hand and tried to bring his own breathing under control.

McCoy returned with his scanner, and Spock finally tore his eyes away from her face to look up.

McCoy shook his head. "I'll call for emergency beam-out."

Spock could hear McCoy's voice in the background, but he made no effort to understand the words. An instant later, he felt himself dissolve in a transporter beam, and he blinked hard when the soft glow of McCoy's living room was replaced by the harsh lights of the hospital. He was pushed away by a medical team before he was able to regain his bearings.

"Wait here," shouted McCoy, already heading down a hallway. "Someone will come out to talk to you in a minute. They'll need some information."

Spock nodded, but they were already gone. He stared at the empty hallway for a long moment, then finally turned and saw a waiting room. There were two other people in the room, a man and a woman who were obviously not together, but neither of them stirred when he entered the room. He dropped into a chair and took a deep breath.

She had suffered from heart problems in the past, but it had never been anything like this. She had felt tired, the doctors had run tests, and they had operated. That had been it. Even with two artificial hearts over a span of as many years, that had been it.

He looked at his hands for a long moment, then put his elbow on the arm of the chair and rested his forehead against his fingertips.

...

Turning off his scanner, Michael said, "That ought to do it. I'll be right back."

Saavik looked at T'Pir, who was seated next to her, and said, "Michael told me that it should take only minutes for the computer to map and match our chromosomal structures."

"Saavik, I understand the procedure. I have performed it once or twice, myself."

Saavik allowed one corner of her mouth to rise. "I suppose that you have."

"I had anticipated that Spock and Nyota would come with you."

"They offered to come, but they had already made plans to visit a friend this morning. At any rate, I thought it would be best if only the three of us were here."

"I agree. This is best." T'Pir folded her hands carefully in her lap. "I hope that you do not mind, but I told my children about you. They are all eager to meet you."

"I am eager to meet them, too. We will plan on it. I-"

A beep from her communicator interrupted her. She flipped it open and saw that it was Spock. No doubt he wanted to hear the results of the test.

"Greetings, Spock. We are in Michael's office, but we do not yet know the test results. If you wish to wait, we should know soon."

"Saavik," he said, and something in his voice made her catch her breath. "Nyota is not well. We are at the Crawford Long Medical Center in Atlanta."

"You have taken her to the hospital? What happened?"

"She collapsed."

"Is it her heart?"

"Dr. McCoy is with her now," he said evasively. "I have no additional information yet."

Saavik noticed a movement from the corner of her vision, and she turned to see that T'Pir had left the room. The next moment, T'Pir returned with Michael.

Saavik took a deep breath and made herself speak. "I will be there as soon as I can, Spock."

"That is good. Spock out."

"Oh, Michael, it is Nyota," Saavik said. "She collapsed, and she is at the Atlanta hospital."

"I know. T'Pir filled me in."

T'Pir pointed toward the door. "The two of you must go. We will complete this test at another time. Please keep me informed about Nyota's status."

Saavik nodded her gratitude before rushing out of the office with Michael at her heels.

...

McCoy walked slowly down the hallway toward the waiting room, the weight of every one of his hundred and twelve years on his shoulders. Damn. He had always hated this part of his job, but he could not remember a time when it had been harder than this.

Spock looked up when he realized that McCoy was approaching, but neither of them spoke. McCoy sat down, ran both hands through what was left of his hair, and turned toward Spock.

"I'm sorry, Spock," he said. "It's not good."

Spock frowned.

"You see," continued McCoy, "there's only so much that can be done after a certain point. Sometimes a body just wears out."

Spock looked away, and McCoy saw that the woman across the waiting room was watching them with compassion. She quickly averted her eyes when she realized that Spock was staring in her direction, but McCoy thought that Spock probably hadn't even noticed her. Spock clasped his hands in his lap and faced McCoy again.

"Does she know?" he asked.

McCoy pursed his lips and shook his head. "I haven't said anything to her yet. She's awake and alert. I thought that you should probably be with her when I tell her."

Spock nodded, so they both came to their feet and started down the long hallway. The controlled chaos of the emergency room could be heard in the distance, but when they reached a branch in the hallway, McCoy turned away from it and Spock followed. Ahead, the stillness and quiet would have been absolute if not for hushed voices and the steady beeping of various diagnostic panels.

"The room at the end, there," said McCoy.

Just as he neared the door to her room, he was startled when Spock suddenly grasped his elbow and moved close.

"Are you certain?" whispered Spock with tremendous intensity. "Absolutely certain? Medical science is always advancing. Perhaps there is something else, an experimental treatment, or-"

"Spock." McCoy struggled for words that would address the naked desperation on Spock's face. "I consulted with the doctors on staff here, and I even put in a call to Mayo. If anyone had thought that there was a ghost of a chance, I'd try it, but all we'd do is cause pain and suffering before the inevitable outcome. You don't want to put her through that, do you?"

Spock hesitated, and McCoy thought for a moment that he would insist on trying something anyway, but finally he let go of McCoy's elbow.

Closing his eyes, he murmured, "One moment, Doctor."

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and when he opened his eyes, he strode forward as if he were about to deliver his latest science report. McCoy shook his head. He'd always known that Spock was capable of putting on an act that would fool even the most perceptive audience, but he'd never known that his old friend was this good at it.

Following Spock into the room, he caught the attention of the nurse who was standing by Uhura's bedside.

"Give us a few minutes," he said.

The nurse nodded and left the room while Spock pulled a chair close to Uhura's bedside. She had heavy circles under her eyes, and she seemed shrunken in the hospital bed.

Spock took her hand. "How do you feel, Nyota?"

"Tired. Old," she said weakly. She looked up at McCoy. "I take it that the verdict isn't good."

"No, it's not," replied McCoy. "I'm sorry, Nyota."

"Not another surgery," she pleaded. "I'm barely over the last one, and now you're telling me that I'm going to need another new heart?"

"Well, you see, that's just it." He darted a glance toward Spock, but Spock was being very quiet. "It's not the heart. You've been through a lot in the last few years. There's been too much damage, just the cumulative effects of all the problems you've had. There's nothing else we can do."

"Am I dying?"

"Yes," said McCoy.

"How long do I have?"

"A week or so. It's hard to say."

She didn't respond for a long moment, but finally she looked over at Spock. "You need to tell Saavik."

Spock's face was very still, but McCoy didn't miss the fact that he had to swallow before he could speak. "She is on her way."

"But don't say anything to Derek or Sefu. I just had good visits with both of them, and that's how I want them to remember me."

He nodded.

Squeezing his hand, she said, "It'll be all right."

McCoy decided that it was time for him to leave. "Uh, I have a few things I need to do. I'll be back in a little while to check on you."

"Thank you, Doctor," she said.

He gave her his best effort at a smile, and left the room.

...

With Michael just a step behind her, Saavik hurried down the hall toward Nyota's room. Spock emerged from one of the doorways ahead, and she knew that he must have been listening for them. His face was drawn, and she reached blindly for Michael's hand as he walked slowly but purposefully toward them.

All he did when he passed was tilt his head slightly, signaling that they were to follow. Hardly able to breathe, she exchanged a long glance with Michael and complied.

When they were a good distance from Nyota's room-out of range of her human hearing, Saavik assumed-Spock stopped. He held her eyes for a very long time, and she clutched Michael's hand even tighter.

"Saavikam," he finally said, "Nyota had a serious heart attack today. It was very damaging."

Saavik looked frantically beyond him, suddenly afraid that Nyota had died and she would see someone removing her body from that room down the hall.

"She is resting at the moment," he added quickly.

"I want to see her," she said.

"Soon. First, however, there is something I must tell you. Her body has grown weak, and the prognosis is not good."

Saavik waited for him to elaborate, but he seemed to have run out of words.

"What does that mean?" she asked, unable to keep the edge from her voice. "'The prognosis is not good' is imprecise. Explain it to me."

"Her heart is failing, and all that can be done is to make her more comfortable. She... She is..." He turned away slightly before saying, "It will not be long."

Saavik moved so that she would be in his line of sight again. "I cannot believe this! It is not true!"

"Saavik, she has fought this for years, but she has reached the end of her battle. We have to accept-"

"No! I refuse to accept it!"

"Saavik," said Michael, moving close and putting his arm around her shoulders.

So brittle that she thought she would break from his touch, she threw off his embrace and moved still closer to Spock.

"Spock, please..." Her voice caught, but she struggled on. "Please tell me that there is something else that can be done. There are always possibilities!" She felt a tear begin to slip from the corner of her eye, and she angrily dashed it away. "You have told me that for as long as I have known you. There are always possibilities. You have said so yourself."

"Saavikam."

"There are always possibilities!"

He shook his head sadly. "This time, there are no more possibilities."

Her shoulders drooped, and Michael put his arm around her again. She didn't push him away.

"Damn. Damn it all to Hell," she mumbled against his shoulder.

"How is she doing right now?" asked Michael.

"She is weak but alert. Dr. McCoy has given her something to ease her discomfort."

"That's good. Has he indicated how much time she has?"

Spock nodded, and at first Saavik thought that he was not going to answer the question, but finally he said, "Approximately seven to ten days."

Saavik clenched her fists and straightened. Making a great effort to speak in an even tone, she asked, "May I see her now?"

"Yes," replied Spock. "She would like that. Incidentally, upon hearing the prognosis, her first concern was you. I believe that it would be beneficial to all involved if you were to temper your reaction."

"I understand. I will be calm."

He started down the hallway with Saavik and Michael beside him. Soon, they were at the door to Nyota's room. Spock stepped back so Saavik could enter first. She hesitated a moment, then walked in.

Nyota smiled groggily. "Hello, honey. I'm so glad you're here."

Saavik sat in the chair by the bedside. At first she could not speak, but finally she forced herself to say, "Spock told me."

"I know." Nyota reached for her hand. "Don't be sad."

Saavik nodded and squeezed Nyota's hand.

"I remember the first time I ever saw you," said Nyota. "I was sitting in the church waiting for Hikaru's wedding to begin, and you walked in with Spock. Your eyes were like saucers, and you were about this big around." She made a circle with her thumb and forefinger. "You already knew exactly who every one of us was."

"Spock had told me all about you."

"Yes, I know. He, on the other hand, hadn't told us a thing about you. It wasn't because he wasn't proud of you, because he was. I think it was because he was so fond of you that he knew he'd give himself away if he told us about you. But he didn't have to say anything for me to know that you had him wrapped around your little finger." She looked up at Spock. "Don't try to deny it."

"I would never attempt to do so," he replied.

Saavik placed her other hand over Nyota's. "Do you want to know what he had told me about you?"

"I would love to know that."

"Of course, much of what he told me was standard information, such as your rank and your duties, but some of it was quite personal. He told me that you had an extraordinary singing voice, and that he often accompanied you on the Vulcan harp. He told me about your shared experiences on the Enterprise, the many missions during which you relied on one another, such as when Captain Kirk was lost in Tholian space, or when the Platonians held you captive." She rubbed Nyota's hand. "He described your appearance with such detail that I think I would have recognized you anywhere."

Saavik's eye was caught by a movement to her right, and she turned just as Spock walked out the door. Michael gave her shoulder a squeeze and followed.

"I hope that I did not speak out of turn," said Saavik.

"You didn't. This is just hard on him."

Saavik studied Nyota's hand in her own. "It is hard on me, too. I am frightened, Nyota."

"To be honest, I was a little frightened at first, but it didn't take me long to decide that there was no reason to be frightened. I've had a wonderful, rich life. My heart is full of nothing but love."

"But how can you be so accepting of this? It has all happened much too quickly."

"Things may seem to you like they're happening quickly, but they aren't. I've been fighting this for a long time, Saavik, and my last operation was so difficult that I knew I couldn't go through that again. I've had plenty of time to make my peace."

"I do not want to lose you."

"You won't lose me, honey. I'll always be with you."

Saavik felt her eyes begin to burn again, and when she tried to take a deep breath, it was instead a gasping shudder. She covered her face, bending so close to the bed that the tips of her hair brushed the blanket. Nyota stroked the back of her head and murmured, "Shhhh."

"Please do not tell Spock that I broke down like this," Saavik whispered from behind her hands. "I promised him that I would not make a scene."

"Your secret is safe with me, just like when you were ten years old and you were afraid to go away to school. But it turned out okay then, didn't it? You were only entering a new phase of existence. Like me."

Unable to do more than nod, Saavik lowered her forehead to the bed while Nyota continued to stroke her hair.

End chapter five


	6. Chapter 6

The Softest Star, Chapter six

Late that evening, Saavik and Michael left Nyota's room and walked down the hall toward the lift.

"Do you want to take a break from the hospital?" he asked. "We could walk next door and grab a sandwich. Dr. McCoy said that they have pretty good food there."

Saavik shook her head. "I would prefer that we just go down to the cafeteria. It will be quicker, and I am not very hungry."

"That's fine with me. I wish that we could have talked Spock into going with us."

"So do I. I fear that he will neglect himself."

"How about you? Are you doing all right?"

"It is difficult to accept what is happening. I am not certain it has completely registered."

"I know. I feel the same way."

They turned the corner and started across the waiting room toward the lift, but she stopped suddenly when she saw that T'Pir was sitting in one of the chairs.

T'Pir stood. "How is she?"

"It is not good," replied Saavik. "She suffered a massive heart attack this morning, and there is nothing that can be done to help her. She does not have much time left."

T'Pir moved very near. "I grieve with thee," she said.

Saavik searched T'Pir's face. She could not deny that it was good to see T'Pir, and that the relief at the woman's calm presence was almost overwhelming. However, she could also not deny the guilt that accompanied it. Nyota had made it clear that T'Pir made her uncomfortable. How would she react if she knew that T'Pir was here now?

"We were just going to get something to eat," said Michael. "Would you like to join us?"

T'Pir hesitated, and Saavik knew that T'Pir had detected her confusion.

"Perhaps this would not be the best time," T'Pir said. "I merely wished to learn about Nyota's condition, and to tell you that your family is in my thoughts. I will leave you now. This is a time for your family to be together."

Just as she turned to leave, Saavik said, "It was Nyota's wish that we verify our relationship. Can we do that now? It is very important to me that I know."

"Now?" echoed Michael.

"Yes." An increasing note of urgency in her voice, Saavik said, "I must know."

Michael looked at T'Pir for confirmation, and when she nodded, he took his communicator out of his pocket. A moment later, the voice of a young male emanated from the speaker.

"Watson and Malloy, Eyes, Ears, Nose and Throat. This is Nick."

"Nick, hi, it's Dr. Watson," said Michael.

"Dr. Watson! I heard about the illness in your family. Is everything okay?"

"Things don't look too good, Nick. I might be out of the office for a while. Listen, is Anthony busy? I'd like to talk to him for a minute."

"He's just finishing up with a patient. I'll transfer you."

Michael watched Saavik while he waited for his partner to take the call. She knew that he was nervous on her behalf, but she was too numb to be anxious. The emotional demands of the day had finally overwhelmed her, and other than the vague, heavy sense that something bad awaited her down the road, she did not feel anything.

Finally, she heard Anthony Malloy's voice.

"Hey, Michael. Sorry to hear about Nyota. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, there is. I was in the middle of a genetic match procedure when we got the call from the hospital. It's the last thing I logged on the computer. Could you please take a look and tell me the outcome?"

"Sure. Hang on a minute." Saavik could barely make out the sound of keys being tapped, then Anthony said, "Here it is. No match."

Saavik caught her breath, and Michael moved closer. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes. Ninety-nine point nine nine nine et cetera percent certainty. It's not a match."

"Okay. Thanks, Anthony."

"Anytime. You let me know what else I can do, okay?"

"Sure. I'll get back with you soon. Bye."

There was a long moment of silence before Michael said, "I'm sorry."

Saavik stared at Michael without really seeing him, and finally turned to T'Pir. She was stunned at the open sorrow on the other woman's face.

"So that is it," T'Pir said.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is," replied Michael.

"My daughter is dead, Saavik, as is your mother. Once again, I grieve with thee."

"I grieve with thee," repeated Saavik automatically.

"What will you do now?" asked Michael.

T'Pir looked at Saavik, as if she thought that Saavik might have the answer to that question. Saavik had nothing to say, however. They were not related. There was no connection between them. It was as simple as that.

Finally, T'Pir looked down at the floor and said, "I will return to Vulcan. Thank you for your kindness, Michael. Live long and prosper, Saavik."

Saavik nodded but still did not speak. T'Pir smoothed a strand of hair away from Saavik's forehead and walked to the lift. The lift door closed, and she was gone.

Michael started to put his arm around her, but she moved forward before he could complete the motion.

"We need to eat so we can get back to Nyota," she said.

"Saavik-"

"If we hurry, maybe we can convince Spock to go next."

She had to wait for the lift, but soon it opened, so she stepped in. She looked at Michael, who was still standing where she had left him, but finally he uprooted himself and joined her.

...

Watching Nyota sleep, Spock waited for Saavik and Michael to return from their meal. He had heard T'Pir's voice earlier, and although he had not been able to make out any of the conversation, he knew that she had talked with Saavik and Michael before all three had left. It would have been proper for him to acknowledge her presence, but she did not come to the room and he had no intention of leaving Nyota's side. It was just as well. Speaking of Nyota's illness with Saavik, Michael, and Dr. McCoy was difficult enough; he had no desire to discuss it someone he hardly knew.

He heard the faint chime of the lift, and it was followed by footsteps and soft voices. He took a moment to rub the fatigue from his eyes, and composed himself before Saavik and Michael entered the room.

They sat down beside him. He turned toward Saavik, intending to ask about her meal, but the words faded unspoken when he saw her. Before she and Michael had left, she had appeared stressed and sorrowful, but there had also been a measure of defiance in her manner. That had been her way of coping with adversity as long as he had known her. Now, however, she was passive and resigned. She also did not meet his eyes. He looked at Michael, who shook his head, and back at Saavik.

"How was your meal?" he asked, for lack of something better to say.

She shrugged. "Unexceptional."

He met Michael's eyes again, so Michael said, "We ran into T'Pir on our way to eat. She dropped by to see how Nyota was doing."

Saavik's brow creased briefly at the mention of T'Pir's name.

"That was most kind of her," replied Spock.

Saavik nodded, and Spock continued to puzzle over her mood. Why would there be any significance to T'Pir's presence here? Suddenly, he remembered what Saavik and T'Pir had planned for the day. Although he knew that the cause was sufficient, he chastised himself for having forgotten about something that was so important to Saavik.

"Were you and T'Pir able to undergo the genetic testing today?" he asked.

Saavik nodded, still not looking away from Nyota. "She is not my mother."

He did not know how to reply to this, and she finally looked up at his long silence.

"I am sorry, Saavikam," he said.

"It is not important."

"What's not important?" asked a soft voice from the bed.

Spock leaned toward Nyota. "Forgive us for waking you."

"I don't mind," she replied weakly. "What's up?"

Spock waited for Saavik to respond, but when she did not, he said, "Saavik has learned that T'Pir is not her mother."

"Oh... I'm sorry, honey."

"It does not matter! Everyone is acting as if someone has-" Catching herself before she could complete the sentence, Saavik took a deep breath and said, "Everyone is acting as if this is a tremendous loss, but it is not. Even if we did not have greater concerns at the moment, it would be illogical to regret losing something that I never had in the first place."

Spock could see in Nyota's eyes that her concern had not lessened, but she did not speak. Spock did not know what to say, either. Saavik's last statement had clearly been intended to put an end to the discussion, so he decided to respect her wishes. They sat in silence, and soon Nyota was asleep again.

...

Opening her eyes, Uhura looked up at the ceiling to see a recessed light fixture she didn't recognize. It was barely glowing, and when she turned her head toward what she thought would be her bedroom window, she saw nothing but unfamiliar angles and shadowy shapes that didn't belong. She rubbed her eyes, and opened them again to find that nothing had changed.

_Oh, that's right_, she thought. _I'm in the hospital_.

She looked the other way to see Spock sitting beside her, exactly as he had been when she had fallen asleep. Saavik had been there, too, but now her chair was empty.

"Where's Saavik?" she asked.

"She went home at 0230 hours. I hope that she will rest, but I suspect that she will merely take care of the things that require attention and return."

"What time is it?"

"0322 hours, local time."

"I'm so disoriented. It seems like I've done nothing but sleep for... how long? Two days? Three?"

"Just two."

She sighed. "You know, when I woke up, I thought I was at home. I expected to see the window over there with my grandmother's hope chest underneath it. This room is so dim that it felt like T'Kuht was rising and we hadn't turned on the light filter in the window."

"You always have preferred to sleep in the natural light."

"Do you remember when we went to the beach on Relan Four?" She closed her eyes and smiled, taken away by the memory. "We rented that house with big windows across the back, and I left the blinds open at night. We'd been together for over a year, but that was the first time I ever got a good look at you while you were sleeping."

"I did not realize that."

"Oh, yes. You always woke up before me. I'll never forget how wonderful it was to lie next to you with the sunshine falling across the bed while I watched you sleep."

"I also have a vivid memory of that trip. Do you recall the night we walked on the beach after Saavik had gone to bed?"

"You wouldn't happen to be referring to when I went skinny-dipping, would you?"

"I certainly am. I will never forget how beautiful you were when you walked out of the ocean, with the water on your body shining from the light of the moons. I could scarcely breathe. You were like an apparition."

"We were so hungry for each other back then. We hurried back to the house and made love, and the morning after that was when I watched you sleep. I loved you so much it hurt." She rested her hand on his knee. "I still do. Even though I'm old, the young woman who loved you with so much passion is still here, hidden away inside me."

"I know that she is. She is not hidden away, however. She is right in front of me, and she is every bit as beautiful as she ever was."

Unable to respond with words, she tightened her grip on his knee. How had she been so lucky to spend her life with a man like this? People fell in love and got married all the time, yet she knew that very few of them could have experienced what she had experienced in her lifetime. Sure, they'd had their share of disappointments-the pregnancy that never happened, the premature death of beloved friends-but all in all, they'd had a strong marriage, fulfilling careers, and finally a home that they had never wanted to leave.

She remembered again how it had felt to awaken in this unfamiliar place rather than in the home she loved.

"Take me home," she said.

"To Vulcan?"

"Yes. I want to be in my own bed. I want to go home."

He sat back, his elbows on the arms of the chair and his fingers interlaced before him. "I do not think that is wise, Nyota. It is a long trip."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"This is not the time for flippancy."

"I'm not being flippant. Believe me, I'm being very, very serious. I don't want to spend the rest of my days in this hospital, Spock. I want to go home..." Her voice weakened, so she took a deep breath. "Or die trying."

He studied his hands for a long moment, but finally he nodded. "Very well. I will make the arrangements."

"Thank you, Spock." Her voice was still shaky. "Thank you."

He held out his hand with two fingers extended, and she matched her hand to his, but soon her arm began to tremble and she had to let it fall back down to the bed. She waited for him to point out that she had squandered what little strength she had gained, but he didn't mention it. They sat quietly, and soon she felt sleep begin to reclaim her.

End chapter six


	7. Chapter 7

The Softest Star, Chapter seven

The sun was merciless on the day they brought Nyota home, and Spock hurried to open the door while Saavik guided Nyota's hoverchair up the front walk. McCoy followed, fretting and fussing at the technician who had accompanied them from the medical transport ship.

"Now, be careful with that equipment! I had to call in a lot of favors to get Starfleet to agree to let me use it, and I damn sure don't want Dr. Hunt complaining that I messed up one of his diagnostic panels."

A small muscle worked in the technician's jaw, and Spock reflected upon the fact that the man's control was almost worthy of a Vulcan. McCoy had begun giving instructions as soon as they boarded the shuttle from the ship, and the man was only now beginning to show indications of a frayed temper. Spock knew that McCoy was merely trying to reassert his authority, having been in the unfamiliar position of not commanding sickbay on their transport, but this made Spock no less sympathetic to the technician's burden.

McCoy hurried forward and jabbed his finger toward the man's feet. "Now, watch that step! You'll trip and jolt it!"

Spock placed their suitcases inside the door and stepped back to allow everyone else to enter.

"Dr. McCoy, with all due respect," said the man not very respectfully, "why didn't you just lease one here? You could have gotten something just as good without hauling this thing all the way from Earth."

"Because there's nothing as good as 'this thing' here. As a matter of fact the only place you can find something as good as 'this thing' is in Starfleet. I know, because I designed it. Now be careful!"

"Yes, sir," said the man tightly as he maneuvered the panel through the doorway.

Spock motioned to the technician and said, "I will take you to the bedroom."

Spock led him to the back of the house, and once he was satisfied that the man had moved the panel to the proper location and disconnected it from the antigrav clamps, he rejoined the others in the main room. He noticed that Saavik was gone, and when he looked out the window, he saw that she was standing by the shuttle with the remainder of the luggage nearby, talking on a communicator. No doubt she had contacted Michael. Even though Spock had been relieved when she told Michael that this was something she needed to do on her own-in his opinion, four people in this modest house were already practically a horde-he hoped that she would not miss Michael's steady support too greatly.

"Oh, Spock," said Nyota. "It's so good to be home."

He rested a hand on her shoulder. "Yes. It is."

"You have a nice place. Very homey, and really not what I had expected." McCoy removed his scanner from his pocket. "Uh, not that I expected it to be a dump or a fortress or anything, but I wasn't expecting it to be so Terran."

"We have lived here for forty-seven years, Doctor. Nyota has had more than enough time to fashion it to her taste."

He chuckled. "I suppose so."

"Thank you again for coming, Doctor," said Nyota. "It means so much to me."

"Well, if I can't help a friend in need, I'm not much of a friend myself, am I?" He studied the scanner, and Spock did not miss the small crease that briefly appeared between his eyebrows before he turned it off. "I'm just glad I could be here for you."

The technician emerged from the back hallway and made a direct line toward the front door. "It's all hooked up, so I'll be heading back. Ms. Uhura, I hope that you're more comfortable now that you're home."

"I'm sure I will be. Thanks for your help," she replied.

"Did you calibrate it?" asked McCoy.

"Yes, sir."

"Run it through trial diagnostics?"

"I did all of that." The man edged closer to the door. "You should find it in perfect working order."

"I hope that you fine-turned it to compensate for the thinner atmosphere and higher gravity here."

"It's all taken care of." The man nodded at Nyota and slipped out.

"Well. He seemed like a nice fellow," said McCoy. "Now, let's get you to bed."

Spock guided Nyota's chair to their bedroom and helped her into bed while McCoy punched some buttons on the diagnostic panel. A soft, rhythmic beeping immediately began to issue from it, but McCoy reset another control, and the beeping stopped. Nyota had expressed a preference for silence while they were on board the medical transport ship, and McCoy was obviously still accommodating her wishes.

Spock retrieved an extra pillow and placed it under her head. She gave him a grateful smile. "Ahh. My own bed."

Patting her hand, McCoy said, "You rest now."

"I will."

Spock motioned toward the bright window. "Do you want me to turn up the filter?"

"I like the sunshine. Maybe you could just reduce the glare."

He tapped the window touchpad twice, and the sunlight grew softer. "Like that?"

"Perfect," she murmured, her eyelids heavy.

Spock adjusted the edge of her blanket. "I will show Dr. McCoy to his room and check on Saavik, and then I will return."

Her eyes now closed, she nodded, and Spock studied her for a long moment before he turned away. He quietly left the room with McCoy behind him.

Leading McCoy past the door to the study and the door to Saavik's room-which was empty, so presumably she was still outside talking to Michael-he walked to the other end of the back hallway and entered the guest room. In the corner was Nyota's quilt rack. She had taken up quilting recently, with the intention of repairing the ancient quilt that been handed down through her mother's family, and Spock had forgotten about her project. He could not speak for a moment at the sight of the unfinished task that would most likely remain unfinished, but soon he rallied and moved the quilt rack closer to the wall.

"This is the guest room, Doctor. Nyota has recently been using it as a sewing room. If the quilt rack is in your way, I will find another place for it."

He hoped that his words did not sound insincere. He had no desire to put it away. The day would come when it would be logical to remove items such as this, but the day was not upon him yet.

"Nah, I'm fine," said McCoy. "This is a nice room. I'll be real comfortable here."

Spock heard a footstep in the hallway, and he looked up just as Saavik carried McCoy's suitcase into the room and placed it by the wall. Her eyes were slightly puffy, and Spock knew that she was having difficulty keeping her emotions in check. No doubt her conversation with Michael had caused her control to slip. She did not meet his eyes, and she left quickly.

Spock moved close to McCoy. "What did you find when you scanned Nyota earlier?" he asked softly.

"She's failing pretty quickly, Spock. This trip wasn't good for her."

"She did not wish to die in a hospital."

"Don't get me wrong, I think you made the right decision in bringing her here." He gazed up at Spock with sympathy in his expression. "But you need to know that it's probably only going to be a matter of days."

Spock looked down the hallway toward his own bedroom. "Do you require anything?"

"No, not a thing. Go ahead and do whatever you want to do. If I need anything, I'll find it."

Spock walked toward the door, but he paused just before he left the room. "I wish to echo Nyota's sentiments. I am very grateful that you are here, Doctor."

"I hope I can help."

"You already have."

McCoy smiled and nodded, so Spock nodded back before heading back down the hallway toward his bedroom. Saavik was in her room unpacking, and he stopped in her doorway until she saw that he was there.

"Saavikam, I am going to sit with Nyota now. Would you join me?"

She ducked her head and pretended to shake the wrinkles from a shirt. "I have not yet unpacked."

He left her doorway, and walked into his and Nyota's bedroom. It was much brighter than either of the other bedrooms, and he was pleased to see that she was sleeping peacefully. Before he had a chance to sit, he heard someone behind him, and he turned to see that it was Saavik. He moved a chair to the side of the bed for her, and retrieved another one from the study for himself.

He sat down, and he and Saavik silently resumed their vigil.

End chapter seven


	8. Chapter 8

The Softest Star, Chapter eight

Awakening to the sound of subdued murmurs, Uhura opened her eyes to see Dr. McCoy bending close to Spock, who was still seated in the spot he had hardly left since this started. Their surroundings had changed several times, but his position by the side of her bed had not. The room was dark except for the muted glow of the diagnostic panel, and she looked over at the clock to see that it was well past midnight.

Saavik, beside Spock, nudged him. "Shhh. You woke her up."

Spock immediately turned away from McCoy and leaned closer to the bed. "Forgive me, Nyota. We did not mean to disturb you."

"S'okay." Her throat was so dry that she could barely get the words out, and when she reached for the water glass by her bedside, Spock quickly slipped his arm under her shoulders and raised her to a sitting position. He held the glass to her lips until she nodded, and then he gently eased her back to the pillows. Just that small bit of exertion winded her, and she fought to catch her breath before asking, "What's so interesting at this hour?"

Rubbing his neck, McCoy glanced over at Spock and Saavik. "Uh, I was just asking Spock if he wanted me to give you another injection. Now that you're awake, I'll ask you. How are you feeling?"

"My chest feels heavy, like someone is squeezing it."

"Your heart is laboring," explained Spock, "and Dr. McCoy told me that it is causing stress on your body."

"It's a little ahead of schedule, but I think you're probably ready for this injection. May I go ahead?" asked McCoy.

"Yes."

He pressed the hypospray against her shoulder, and as the pressure on her ribcage eased, she was finally able to take a good, deep breath. Doing so cleared her mind, as well, and she realized that he had asked her permission, something she had never known him to do before.

"Doctor," she said, "if you thought I needed the hypo, why didn't you just give it to me? I trust you to do what's best."

"Because I'm not sure what's best anymore. These injections are becoming less and less effective. I'm afraid that it's time to decide just how aggressive you want me to be."

Saavik had been very still and quiet throughout the conversation, but Uhura could see the pain in her eyes. Throwing what she hoped was a reassuring glance her way, she said, "No heroic measures, okay? Just keep me comfortable."

McCoy looked at Spock, who nodded. "All right," McCoy said. "Then that's what we'll do." He patted Saavik's shoulder. "It's time for me to turn in. Give me a call if you need me."

After he left, Uhura studied Spock and Saavik. They both appeared calm and collected on the surface, but she knew better. Fatigue was evident in everything from the lines on their faces to the slope of their shoulders.

"How long has it been since the two of you got any sleep?" she asked.

Spock and Saavik exchanged guilty glances.

"That's what I thought," she said. "Please go to bed."

"I would prefer to be with you," said Saavik.

"I know, and I love having you near me, but you can't go on like this." She dug down deep for the strength to speak emphatically. "Please go get some sleep."

Saavik pressed her lips together stubbornly, and Uhura could already hear the argument before it had even materialized.

"Spock needs to sleep, too," she added, "but he won't if you're sitting here."

"Do as Nyota says, Saavikam," said Spock. "You can talk to her in the morning."

Saavik opened her mouth but closed it quickly, and Uhura saw in Spock's expression that he was willing her to leave her concern unvoiced: _What if I cannot talk to Nyota in the morning?_ Saavik's shoulders drooped, and she nodded.

"Very well. Good night, Spock. Good night, Nyota."

"Good night, honey," replied Uhura softly.

Saavik walked slowly from the room without looking back, and Uhura turned to Spock. "Will you lay next to me?"

He came around the bed and stretched out on top of the covers fully clothed, and she shook her head. She didn't know whether he felt self-conscious about the possibility that Dr. McCoy might come into the room and catch him in bed with his wife, or if he wanted to be able to spring from the bed ready for anything at a moment's notice, but she loved him for it, whichever it was.

She rolled onto her side even though the effort made her body ache. "How many hours have we spent just like this, right here, talking in the dark?"

"Vulcan hours or Terran Standard?"

She smiled at how seriously he was taking her hypothetical question, but she humored him. "Terran Standard."

"We have lived in this house for forty-seven years, three months, and two days. During the first fourteen years, we did not travel a great deal. When Derek was born, that changed, and we generally spent at least three weeks a year on Earth. Also, I was often off-planet due to my diplomatic duties. Based on the assumption that we talk in bed an average of one point five hours for every seven days we are together, I estimate that we have spent three thousand, two hundred and sixty five hours talking in the dark in this bed. Of course, that is an approximate number."

"Of course." She reached out to his hand, resting on the mattress between them, and covered it with her own. Her skin felt like parchment against his. "There's something special about talking in the dark at night. When we were little, Milele and I used to get in bed together, pull the covers over our heads, and talk and giggle until late." Her voice had almost dwindled away to nothing, but she knew that Spock wouldn't have any trouble hearing her when she added, "I miss her."

"I know that you do. The two of you had a very strong bond, and while it is always difficult to lose a sibling, it was especially difficult for you."

"It was hard on you when Sybok died."

"That is true, but the circumstances of his death were as difficult to accept as his death itself. He was gone from my life for many years, and to have him reappear like that just to be gone again was confusing. I did not know how to deal with it."

"I hope I'll see Milele again soon, and my parents, your mother, Scotty and Captain Kirk... So many people. Maybe even Sybok. I didn't know he was your brother until after he died, and there are so many things I want to ask him."

"You understand that Vulcans do not believe in the afterlife you describe."

"True, but you never know. I could be right."

"It is certainly a more palatable alternative than ours. The hall of ancient thought is a peaceful existence, but it is also a solitary one. I cannot argue that it is very attractive to think that one might have both peace _and_ the presence of friends and family in the afterlife."

"Now that I'm so close to it, I can feel it. They're all there waiting for me."

"Perhaps you are correct. If so, you can say 'I told you so' on the day I join you."

His voice had been light, but she didn't miss the pain behind his words. She wasn't afraid of death and she knew that he wasn't either, but it was sad to think that their beliefs didn't include each other. She remembered how depressing and futile it had felt when T'Pau carried Amanda's ashes to Mount Seleya.

"Spock, when I'm gone, I don't want to be taken to Mount Seleya. I don't want to end up in a place that holds no special meaning for me."

He looked down at her hand on his for a long moment, but finally he said, "Very well. Where would you like for me to take you?"

"I don't care. The beach at Saavik's, the grounds at Starfleet HQ, Montmatre Hill in Paris... Remember what a good time we had there? Heck, even our back yard. I just want it to be a place that's meaningful to both of us." She smiled tiredly. "Surprise me."

He raised an eyebrow. "I will give it some thought."

"Good. That's settled." Her eyes were growing heavy again, so she decided not to fight it. She had just begun to drift away when she remembered one more thing. "Tell your father I said goodbye," she whispered without opening her eyes.

"You know that he would be here if he were able."

"I do. It's just as well he's too far away. I'd love to see him, but he'd bring Perrin, and I don't want to waste any of my last moments on that woman."

She opened one eye to look over at him, and he raised the other eyebrow. She smiled in contentment and closed her eyes again.

...

At the first sign of daybreak, Saavik crept from her room and paused at the door to Nyota's and Spock's room. Her eyes went immediately to the diagnostic panel, and she exhaled softly when she saw that the small beacon was still flashing. Spock was stretched out on his back, clearly sound asleep, and Nyota was awake, her eyes toward the window. Saavik slipped away before Nyota could see her, and went to the kitchen.

"Computer, coffee," she murmured.

She stood while the comforting smell of freshly brewed coffee began to surround her, then she poured herself a cup and sank into a chair at the table.

She had not slept last night, and each passing minute had seemed to stretch into an eternity. She had wanted to go to Nyota's side, but she knew how badly Spock had needed the sleep. Indeed, she needed the sleep, too, but her brain was so over-stimulated that the harder she tried to reach for sleep, the more it eluded her.

She blew across the top of the cup and tried a small sip. The coffee was good, but it was not as good as the coffee she had at home, the coffee that Nyota had admired and wanted to bring back to Vulcan.

She bowed her head at the memory of that happy morning.

A sound at the doorway caught her attention, and she looked up to see Dr. McCoy enter the room. Neither of them spoke while he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined her at the table.

"I smelled the coffee and decided to go ahead and get up," he explained, as if she had asked. "How are you doing today?"

"I am fine."

He gave her a look indicating that he knew she had lied, but he did not pursue it.

"I'm glad to see that Spock's finally sleeping. I've been telling him for days to get some sleep, but he never listened to me. I was about ready to put my foot down and fight him over it. I'll bet Nyota just asked him once, and he did it."

"That is essentially what happened."

"Damn stubborn Vulcan. Well, she always has been able to talk him into doing things he won't let other people talk him into doing."

"Yes."

She wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and stared blindly at the center of the table. On Earth, today was... Saturday. Saturday morning. It was difficult to comprehend that life was proceeding as usual at home. What might Michael be doing at this moment? He would have slept a little later since it was a weekend, but he was probably not still in bed. Perhaps he was walking on the beach or sitting at the table with a cup of coffee just like she was.

"Good morning," McCoy said.

Bringing herself back to the moment, she saw that Spock had joined them. Sleep had done nothing to erase the dark circles under his eyes, but she knew that she had them, too. Hers were probably even worse. His clothes were rumpled-he had clearly slept in them-and she could not recall ever having seen him in such a disheveled state before.

He sat at the table.

"How is Nyota this morning?" asked Saavik.

"Weak. She wishes to speak with you, Saavikam."

McCoy stood. "Give me a minute to check her out-"

"Doctor, please sit," said Spock. "She knew that you would want to examine her, but she asked that she be given a few minutes alone with Saavik first."

McCoy frowned, so Spock added, "It will not matter if you examine her now or ten minutes from now."

McCoy sat heavily. "I suppose not. Take your time, Saavik."

Saavik went to the bedroom, and Nyota smiled as soon as she walked through the door. Saavik sat down in the chair by the head of the bed, and when Nyota closed her eyes as if to marshal strength, she sneaked a quick look at the monitors. The light was still blinking, but all of the indicators had dropped. She did not need McCoy to tell her that it would not be long now.

"Morning, sweetheart," whispered Nyota, feebly raising her hand.

Saavik scooted to the edge of her chair and took Nyota's hand in her own. "Do not talk. Save your strength."

"Have to say this. Important."

"All right. But you must rest afterward."

Nyota tugged on Saavik's hand, indicating that she wanted Saavik to lean closer. Saavik knew that she would have no problem hearing Nyota from her current position, but she complied.

"About T'Pir," Nyota said.

"There is nothing else to say about T'Pir. I regret that she was inconvenienced by a fruitless trip to Earth, but now she knows the truth and she can continue her life as it was before."

"Not fruitless. Met you."

"She came to meet her daughter, not me."

"Family isn't limited to people who are related. We know that, right?"

Saavik closed her eyes tightly and nodded.

Nyota continued. "There was always something missing from your life, a sense of self that no matter how much we loved you, Spock and I couldn't give you. But now I can give you this." She swallowed with difficulty and drew a long breath, and Saavik could tell that this was taking every reserve of strength she had. "I was wrong to feel threatened by T'Pir. She's a good person. She'll enrich your life if you let her."

"But I cannot... I do not... Damn, damn it all, I-"

"Understand?"

Saavik was quiet for a long moment, but finally whispered, "Yes."

"Good. You can call Dr. McCoy now."

Nodding, Saavik took a long moment to compose herself, and returned to the kitchen. McCoy left without comment, leaving her alone with Spock. He did not react when she sat back down at the table, so she picked up her coffee and drank in silence.

End chapter eight


	9. Chapter 9

The Softest Star, Chapter nine

"Remember our trip to Greece?" asked Nyota. Her voice was so drained of energy that she did not sound like herself.

Saavik nodded, so Spock decided to rest his voice while she replied. They had talked about everything and nothing for hours without pause-or at least he and Saavik had talked, with occasional prompting from Nyota-and although it was now well into the long, dark hours of the morning and McCoy had retired some time ago, they showed no sign of stopping. He did not object. His voice might be growing rough from the effort, but he could not help but hope that he would be allowed to converse like this until he had no voice left at all. Such a hope was illogical, for Nyota's vital signs had continued to creep ever lower throughout the day and evening, but it was his hope, nonetheless.

"Elizabeth and I met you and Spock there," replied Saavik from her seat at the other side of the bed. Even though her face was barely illuminated by the diagnostic panel, her fatigue was obvious. "We took the ferry from the mainland, and I will never forget the feel of the sea air against my face when we leaned over the railing."

"Good trip," Nyota murmured. "For me, anyway. Maybe not for you."

"You are speaking of Bryce Brooks, of course. Discovering his unfaithfulness was just a minor setback during an otherwise idyllic vacation. I would not have wanted it any other way. Events unfolded as they should have."

Spock decided to rejoin the conversation. "Are you proposing that destiny caused Nyota to step in a hole and injure her ankle?"

"I had not thought of it that way, but perhaps you are correct. If she had not hurt her ankle, we would not have returned early, and I would not have caught Bryce with that woman. I am fortunate that you were so clumsy, Nyota," she teased. "As a matter of fact, that is how I met Michael as well, is it not? You stepped in a hole and I took you to the emergency room. Zachary was the doctor who attended to you, and he introduced me to Michael."

Spock remembered this incident well, but it was his back that had originally caused them to seek medical assistance, not Nyota's ankle. Evidently Saavik had forgotten that detail. A small smile curved Nyota's lips, and he could see in her eyes the shared memory of exactly how he had managed to injure his back-on the floor of their closet after she had decided that they needed to 'christen' their new home. He quickly steered the conversation in another direction.

"Nyota was quite satisfied with herself about the role she played in pairing you with Zachary. Were you aware of her machinations? She did everything but choose a date for the wedding."

He paused, anticipating that Nyota would react to his gibe, but her eyes had drifted shut. He fell silent and sat back in his seat so she could rest, and Saavik did the same.

After a few moments, Nyota murmured, "Please keep talking."

He waited for Nyota to open her eyes, hoping that she would continue to participate in their conversation, but when she didn't, he took a deep breath and addressed Saavik. "Nyota has always taken credit for initiating the chain of events that led you to Michael. When we were at the emergency room, she asked that you be brought into the bay with us. She claimed that she wanted you to hear the diagnosis, but she and I both knew that she had an ulterior motive."

"However it happened," said Saavik with sudden seriousness, "I am pleased that it happened. Before I met Michael, I would never have predicted that I could find such contentment with another person. I am grateful for the seemingly random sequence of events that brought us together."

Spock had to swallow past a sudden obstruction in his throat before he could speak. Finally, he said, "Events have a fortuitous way of working out, do they not?

Saavik nodded, unsuccessfully tried to suppress a yawn, and asked, "How did you first meet Nyota? I assume that it was duty-related, but I have never heard the details."

"She was newly assigned to the Enterprise, and Captain Kirk and I met her and another new officer in the transporter room. It was very uneventful." Noticing that Nyota's blanket was uneven on one side, he took a moment to adjust it. "Our first true exchange of words was quite another matter, however. It was in the ship's gymnasium. Captain Kirk and I had just worked out together, but someone had asked me a question so I was several steps behind him. I had just started toward the men's locker room when I saw her enter the gym and walk in the same direction. I stopped her just before she entered the men's locker room. She almost certainly would have caught the captain on his way to the shower."

He was quiet for a long time while he gazed upon Nyota's serene countenance. She was rapidly slipping away from him now. The diagnostic panel would undoubtedly confirm what he already knew, but he had no wish to see it. Instead, he looked over at Saavik to see if she knew what was happening.

She was asleep.

Watching Saavik's chest rise and fall gently, he debated whether he should wake her or let her sleep. Her presence had been a comfort to both him and Nyota, and he was glad that she was here with him now. However, it also seemed appropriate that he and Nyota would be alone at this moment, so he decided to let her sleep. He picked up Nyota's hand and began to stroke it.

"Nyota, do you remember the first time I held you in my arms?" he asked softly. "You had come to Dantria because Saavik was ill. We spent several difficult days in the hospital watching over her, but when we took her home, we fell into a comfortable routine. We would sit on the back porch and drink tea. We would prepare a simple meal together each night. And we would take frequent long walks. Sometimes we walked in the woods, and other times we walked down the lane. One day when we walked down the lane, we walked further than usual. It was autumn. Leaves, caught in the wind, tumbled across our path, and the fields were bursting with flowers in autumn colors: gold and brown, deep shades of red, orange, maroon, purple. The birds were singing. We halted, and I asked you why you had kissed me in the spaceport when Saavik and I saw you off from your previous visit."

He took a moment to study her. She had a hint of a smile on her lips, and she appeared totally at peace. Their bond was hardly more than a flicker now.

Placing his elbows on his knees, he leaned closer. "You said that you wanted to gain my attention, and I replied that you had certainly accomplished that. I then said that I wished to kiss you again."

From the corner of his vision, he saw the small light on the monitor blink twice and cease.

"I took you in my arms," he said, "and I kissed you. You pressed your body to mine, and it felt like I had found something that I had not even known I was missing. I held you close, and I knew at that moment that I would love you forever. Oh, Nyota." Closing his eyes tightly, he pressed his lips to the back of her fingers and whispered, "My beautiful wife."

She did not hear him, for she was already gone.

...

Saavik stepped from the taxicab and looked up at the building before her. It was of typical Vulcan design, with clean angles and large clearsteel windows that would have been painful to behold if the building had been of Terran design. Humans liked their buildings to shine with the intensity of the reflected sun, flashy and eye-catching and ultimately very much like the humans, themselves, but Vulcans were more practical. Their windows absorbed the sun's rays, keeping the occupants comfortable while still affording passers-by with an image that was understated and aesthetically pleasing.

She took a deep breath and crossed the courtyard to the front door. A large panel with the words "K'len Laboratories" slid to the side, and she walked to the front desk.

"May I help you?" asked the receptionist.

"Yes. I am here to see T'Pir."

...

The tall man walked along the dusty lane with a small ornate box in his hands. He wore formal robes, and while they might have been incongruous in the rustic setting, no one was around to notice. It did not matter.

The wind swirled leaves from the trees to the road just as it had sixty-seven years ago, and he inhaled, savoring the sharpness of the autumn air. Although he did not hurry, he walked with purpose; perhaps he had lingered at the overgrown clearing earlier, and perhaps he might have stood on the crumbled remains of what were once back steps for longer than he had planned, but he moved now as if intent upon reaching a particular destination.

A blue butterfly winged erratically across his path and landed on the largest of the golden-hued flowers against the fence to his right. Beyond the fence, many more golden flowers could be seen, as well as red and purple and all the colors in between.

He stopped and looked up for a long moment. Clouds scudded across the unremitting grayness, yet there was a lightness in the air, a richness that promised the never-ending cycle of the seasons. Dusk was falling, and the first of the evening insects had begun to chirp in the woods.

Finally, he opened the box and reached inside. Raising his closed hand, he paused and then spread his fingers, and a stream of ashes billowed away. The wind caught the ashes, lifting them over the colorful pasture, and he watched, hand raised, until they all came to rest among the flowers.

Bowing his head, he closed his eyes, but an instant later he looked up again, and he lifted the entire box without hesitation. The contents were carried away by the dancing currents, and as he stood frozen, a bird called out from the trees behind him. The song was brief and sorrowful, but it was beautiful, and while he listened, the clouds parted in the distance, and he saw the first gentle star of the evening shining just above the horizon.

Turning before the clouds could obscure the star once again, he closed the box and started back toward the overgrown clearing in the Dantrian woods.

_Do not stand at my grave and weep._

_I am not there, I do not sleep._

_I am the thousand winds that blow._

_I am the diamond glints on snow._

_I am the sunlight on ripened grain._

_I am the gentle autumn rain._

_When you awaken in the morning's hush,_

_I am the swift uplifting rush_

_Of gentle birds in circled flight._

_I am the soft star that shines at night._

_Do not stand at my grave and cry,_

_I am not there, I did not die._

- Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932

End story


End file.
